An Open Letter Of Apology On Behalf Of Everyone Who Works In Social Media


It is with a heavy heart that I send my deepest condolences to every helpless soul outside of the social media industry. You must think the worst of us, and, if I’m going to be honest, I don’t blame you.


I saw that recent viral video from Social Media Marketing World—a tragic circus filled with lame, trick-less ponies. The video features a frumpy “expert” singing a painful soft rock blunder called “Let’s Get Social.” When I first saw this, I was overwhelmed with a feeling best described as shame. These are the leaders of tomorrow, I thought? The content creators and innovators responsible for giving a voice to the world’s most powerful companies? The gatekeepers between consumers and their beloved brands? 

If this is the type of individual the world is celebrating, I’d rather be locked in a 200-square foot shack in the woods until I drop dead.

As someone who makes a living guiding brands to build admirable and recognizable identities, it baffles me to think that these so-called gurus are my colleagues. So, you’ve figured out Facebook. Big deal. That doesn’t mean you’ve debunked a code to get me to like you; it just means you’ll show up on my News Feed more, which is all the more reason to unfollow. From what I’ve seen, these people favor Comic Sans, the color orange, and tacky panorama cartoons of the San Diego cityscape. If that’s your idea of the future, I’m deeply concerned.

I’m sick of people not giving two shits about the way they look online, and it starts with these vermin. They think that credibility is earned by blowing out buzzwords like “content,” “EdgeRank,” and “Zuckerberg” in front of a fugly PowerPoint. They give the hard-working social media strategists, like myself, a brutal stereotype to fight against. We all know that these “thought leaders” were the people in high school who signed up for every activity in the book, but somehow missed the mark; flash forward a few years later and they’re yammering about how blogs are the future. You may call it retribution. I call it pathetic. Someone needs to teach these people about acceptable social behavior.

Where are the tolerable social media people, you ask? Not wasting time at a grossly over-priced conference where people use selfies as an excuse to cover up their interpersonal gaps. They’re out with the rest of the world interacting like normal human beings.