An Open Letter To The Fears I Am Currently Facing
Today I am facing my fears and making sure they know that they no longer own me.
1. I’m letting go of the fear of not being good enough.
Feeling like I am not good enough and being terrified of what others think of me have always gone hand in hand. This pair, that ultimately comes down to the fear of judgment, has resulted in nothing but a loss of opportunities and in a sinking feeling of having failed myself. Throughout my life I have been trying my hardest to fit in and to be accepted by others, constantly drowning under what feels like an aggressive sea of insecurities with unforeseen waves of doubt. Today I come out for air, today I am making the choice of not letting other people’s opinions control my life. I AM enough and I have no one to prove it to except myself. Because there is no scarier feeling that looking in the mirror and not recognizing who you are. Because there is no greater regret than looking back and wishing you would have taken the risk. I have so much to offer this world, I am passionate, different, strong. Now that I am aware of what I’m worth and my potential, there is no excuse to go ahead and change the world.
2. I’m letting go of the fear of outgrowing close friends.
Friends are truly one of the biggest blessings life has to offer. I have been lucky enough to encounter people throughout my life that have become family. They’ve been a great influence in the person that I am today and they have helped me overcome obstacles I once thought I could never defeat on my own. Therefore, it is heartbreaking to think that someone you have known for so long and who has seen you at your darkest and brightest moments won’t be there for the long run. However, I have come to accept the fact that people drift apart, not because you no longer care for each other, but because we as humans are constantly evolving. We are all individuals with different interests and paths to follow, and often times those interests and paths do not cross with our own. Outgrowing a close friendship does not equal outgrowing the love and memories you built with that person. Outgrowing a close friend is simply an inevitable factor of human experience and please remember, just because you have known someone for a long time, it does not secure them a spot in the rest of your life.
3. I’m letting go of the fear of love and letting go.
I am no longer letting the scars from my past and broken demonstrations of love become my mentors for the future. Past experiences have let me disappointed and wondering if the outcome could ever be different. Love offers many faces and sometimes heartbreak is one of them. However, love has also provided me with the most beautiful type of happiness I have ever encountered. I find the fear of getting hurt to be irrational because there is always a possibility of getting hurt in whatever you do and with whoever you are with. Today I am making the choice of not allowing the pain overcome the true power of love. I honestly believe that deep down I have always known what I deserved, and some people I opened my heart to were simply not it. I have a tendency of remaining hung up on unsteady people because doing that seems easier than moving on. Because, of this I find myself in a continuous spiral of misery where nothing ever changes. I have come to deal with the fact that when someone doesn’t love me the way I want to be loved it has little to do with me. I will no longer agonize on what could have been, but instead I will comfort the idea of what could be if I just give myself a chance. Today, I am letting go.
4. I’m letting go of the fear of living.
Stepping out of my comfort zone is what I think is the key to start living. From now on, when something doesn’t quite feel right I will do something about it. I will voice my opinions, I will strive for change, I will experiment until I find that something that candidly fuels my soul. I will give myself the break I need when it starts to feel like too much. I have been masking my anxiety and my fear of disappointing others with detailed plans that just result in distress when they don’t go through. Today I am accepting the fact that life is not something that you plan, but something that you pursue everyday. Certain restraints have convinced me that I do not have control of my own life, but I do, we all do. And while the process of putting myself out there might be difficult and unsettling at times, I know it will be worth it. I am committed to living life by the moment, to being spontaneous, to doing what I feel like doing, what I like, to traveling, to learning, to growing. I’m letting go of the fear of living and I am creating a life that I am proud of away from the chains that have kept me captive for so long.