An Open Letter To The Girls Who Never Text Back

To all the girls who’ve ever started texting a guy and then at some point abruptly stopped, I have a message for you — I’m mildly disappointed. Let’s be honest, this isn’t only a female phenomenon, but seeing as I’ve never texted one of my bros and been ignored for more than 24 hours, this message is directed squarely at the XX chromosomes. I do happen to know some great women who’ve taken the time to text me ‘not really into it’ or ‘I have a bf,’ but to all those who’ve decided I didn’t deserve a simple explanation, on behalf of all men I say this: Okay.

Please don’t take the casual nature as our not valuing you as human beings, but we’re guys, what are we supposed to do? Am I supposed to tell my bros about this and wait for them to laugh at me? No, I’m not going to do that, I’m going to take it on the chin, check my Wells Fargo app, and decide whether or not I can go out tonight.

There are many things that women do via text that annoy me. There’s the random sending of mirror, dress-up shots with the question: “What do you think about this outfit?” To which I’m conflicted as to whether you actually want my opinion or if you’re trying to trap me into saying something creepy, but I always differ to saying “Nice, I like that one.” Then there’s the playing-hard-to-get by refusing to text back faster than I text you, do you really think I’m timing it? Relax, Marilyn Monroe, the faster you respond, the better; you don’t need to turn this into a power-play. Those things are kind of annoying, sure, but none are more annoying than straight-up blowing us off forever.

Simply put, the man on the other side of your conversation doesn’t deserve to be treated like that. We are not just the gray bubbles on your phones scraping our brains for jokes. We’re still there on our couch in a button-up shirt, drinking beers and waiting for you to tell us where you and the girls are going tonight like you said you would. You don’t care, you’ve moved on to the next shiny object. You’re not just rejecting us, you’re pretending we no long exist simply because you have no more use for us. To me, that’s the modern-day definition of treating someone like trash.

“He was way too into me, I could sense he was gonna get clingy.” That’s the truth of why many girls go MIA. Are you serious? He was into you; that’s reason enough to never contact him again? Do you know how lightly disheartening it is to have someone you were ‘into’ ignore you? Does it compute in your head that there is a more mature, and dare I say, more humane way of dealing with someone you find yourself no longer interested in? You’re already working in the least personal medium there ever was, would it kill you to just text, “hey, I’m not into this, I think you’re cool but it’s just not for me”? Has it registered to you that this guy (who undoubtedly tried not to roll his eyes when you kept responding with ‘maybe’ and ‘I don’t know’) has parents, and siblings, and people who love him and care about him and thus would not appreciate you treating him like a pastie you forgot to throw out? How would you feel if some girl did that to your brother, or best friend, or son?

The worst part about being the guy on the other side of the conversation is the questioning as to why it ended so abruptly, “Maybe she’s busy, maybe I blacked out and said something creepy, maybe I should pick up pick up Mark Sanchez off the waiver wire because my quarterback is on a bye-week and he had an impressive performance last week,” are all questions over which men ruminate for one to three days after the person they were interested in suddenly vanishes into thin air. There’s no closure, no last message, no explanation whatsoever and I’ll be honest with you: it’s not ideal. Lucky for you us men are strong and have learned to accept these situations for what they are — a reality or commonplace and a sign we should move on.

So, if you are one these girls who have inevitably started a flirty conversation with some guy you met at a bar, or on Tinder, or through some friend of a friend that you hooked up with totally drunk, I’m going to maybe need you to rethink your strategy but I’m not completely against it. I’m going to need you to fight the urge to be a less than spectacular human being by never texting him back. Because you could’ve texted him back but you didn’t, and that’s bordering on ‘not nice.’