An Open Letter To The One I Can Never Leave

I can’t believe it has come to this.

Since the day I fell in love with you, I could not see my future without you. You brought me out of the darkness, from the life I was fine living and made me discover a whole new world. It was our initial hand in hand walk that made me confident that I can walk through the unknown, as long as you were ahead, leading me.

I am not sure though, if it was a good thing or a bad thing that I never figured out details as you fooled around. Somehow you were able to secure me, make love to me, excite me and care for me as you betrayed me at the same time. It must have been your endless patronizing that led me to hopelessly end up wrapped around your finger, without a fiber of retaliation. My lack of self-worth, pride and reality checking only pushed me deeper into you.. Now I thirst for every drop of you.

You know this all too well, as I am not the first cheerleader that fell for you. But I can’t seem to reckon how you can make me feel so loved every time I am wrapped around your arms, or how you can bear to witness my anguish every time I need a pour out of you. Every piece of you that I want is only reserved for you, for the satisfaction of your carnal desires, and to cater your human nature… Yet you dangle it above my head making me tirelessly hope that one day you’ll share it with me.

I always go back to the very first day when I believed you were the one. That same day when I thought my prayers were answered… that same day I saw you way ahead in my every tomorrow. I go back to that every time you disregard me, neglect me, abuse me and throw me. This is why I can’t leave you.

Our memories are so alive for me, and my every dream that I fit you in always fuels the past. Our memories keep my thirst at bay for the next time you’ll serve me my cup in this addiction I don’t want to feed anymore… In the end, I am aghast with the fact that I am leaving this for you to execute. But please do it for me… For the kind of love I deserve, for the genuine care and compassion you won’t give, for the security you can never provide, for the faithfulness that has ever since been obsolete, and for all the truths that were kept from me…

Please leave me for me.