Are Orgasms The Enemy To Having Truly Great Sex?


Have we been duped? Do those blissful 10 seconds actually sign us up for a lifetime of crankiness, despair, and anxiety? Would the pharmaceutical industry experience a huge decline in med sales if we all just settled for sex sans the big O?

Marnia Robinson, author of Cupid’s Poisoned Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships, certainly thinks so. Robinson has spent years studying “ancient sacred-sex prescriptions” and the verdict is in—your orgasms are worthless.

Orgasms are fun…in the moment, but apparently not conducive for humans in the long-term. In shrt: stay away from them.

Robinson cites the ancient Taoists and their use of “angelic dual cultivation.” Angelic dual cultivation (we already dislike this) is a form of orgasm-less lovemaking meant to unite “spirit with spirit, mind with mind.”

Instead of smashing one’s sex organs together in hopes of getting off, this “angelic dual cultivation” is a sweeter, slower, more sensual act that doesn’t focus on an ending. (Probably because there is no ending without orgasm. Well, perhaps blue balls, but that’s another post altogether.)

The Yale-and-Brown-educated scholar writes, “Despite its glorious pleasures, orgasm whips up inner turbulence—without our awareness.” Indeed, a Dutch scientist reported that brain scans of people having orgasms resemble those of people shooting heroin.

However, just like a drug high, this temporary infusion of feel-good neurochemicals at climax does not last.

“This neurochemical roller coaster ride (or “passion cycle”) typically creates unnecessary turbulence for up to two weeks, although most of us certainly will not connect any wobbles in perception with the great sex that caused them. At most, we realize that we, or more likely our partner, seems irritable, over-sensitive, defensive, unforgiving, apathetic, unloving, clingy, hyperactive, or whatever.”

Whoa! We get hit with post-orgasm crankiness for up to TWO weeks?

Ladies, propose this No Orgasm rule tonight, in the name of the ancient Taoists. Sure, you may notice an increase in “irritable, over-sensitive, defensive, unforgiving, apathetic, unloving, clingy, hyperactive” behavior, but at least you’ll know it isn’t from an orgasm … one of those dirty, druggy ruin-your-life orgasms.

Robinson says she and her husband have been happy (according to her) without a climax for eight years now. Apparently, her current relationship is free of the “unsettling dramas” of their previous relationships and this kind of sex is totally working for them.

While we’re 100% in favor of sensual sex, we fear we’re too far down the rabbit hole of the big O. We’d rather view an orgasm as one of life’s eternal treats, and take up kickboxing as a way to quell our aggression … if there’s any afterward.

This post originally appeared at YourTango.