We were the girls next door, America’s sweethearts — classy and sassy but well-behaved. All sorts of men came through the door during the day. There were locals, lobbyists, politicians, attorneys, out-of-towners, and businessmen who wrote off strip-clubs as a business expense.
Do you ever think about me? Do you wonder if I’ll write about you — if I’ll take to the Internet to shout out loud about what you did to me?
I’m writing to tell you something important, something that increases your chance of getting laid by any woman with half a head of brains.
I’ve never been a faithful partner. Not once.
Eventually I got sick of throwing myself pity parties; I had to try something. Ahh, I thought. Craigslist is free — and anonymous.
The morning sun shines through the window. You yawn sleepily, stretching your arms above your head. Rolling over, fluffing the pillow, your eyes open and you find yourself face-to-face with the friend of a friend of a friend you met at last night’s party.
Now what?
So, how do you know if a man is after you or your wallet?
It’s not my place this say this, but, for the love of God, lose the soup strainer mustache.
Before getting your moral molars all impacted, let me make clear that I’m NOT endorsing having an affair or ruining a perfectly good marriage (or an imperfect marriage, for that matter).
Now, now … pipe down “fat shaming” activists. It was hilarious, fun, and disgusting for reasons completely unrelated to weight.