My introduction to online dating was an impulsive product of unattainable love and the awkward fact that I was 21 and still a virgin. You know how they say “be careful what you wish for?”
I have been quiet, obedient and yielding. I’ve sacrificed my emotional and physical well being to meet her needs for all of the years of my life. And even now, as weak as she is and when it’s more obvious than ever that she needs me, my mom doesn’t like me.
I thought that since I was nearly 30, I had to find someone to settle for, who was willing to settle for me.
I will look at myself in the bathroom mirror and marvel at the fact that somehow I made it here. If you had asked me 12, or even 10 years ago, I certainly wouldn’t have thought I would.
“We could just be friends.” That tells you everything. Everything you could possibly need to know. Everything you saw coming. Everything you want to be wrong; some kind of mistake.
I hate that you live in me now. I hate that I see you when I look at my reflection and wonder what you have that I don’t.
The world owes you nothing.
Just because I am genuinely interested in who you are as a person, it doesn’t mean I want to hook up with you.
I know I’m not alone in this process. I know a lot of you reading this have done the same thing. You might even be doing it right now.
It’s a daily struggle. Sometimes I look at myself and think I’m not sick enough.