If We Break Up, You Can’t Keep Using My Netflix Account (YEAH, I MEAN YOU PATRICK)
Is this betrayal? Is he stealing from you?
If Peter Ends Up Being The Next Bachelor And I’m Not Cast On His Season, I Will Die
I’ve got a fever. And the only prescription is more Peter.
10 Reasons Wine Is A Much Better Boyfriend Than That Fuckboy You Keep Texting
Wine pairs great with cheese. Stupid Brad is lactose intolerant.
Grief Calls And I Send Her Straight To Voicemail
I know you asked for space, but that’s not how this works with you and me. You don’t call the shots.
Listening To St. Vincent’s New Song And Not Texting You
You don’t want to be my inspiration. I didn’t want you to be either. But here we are.
The Perfect Playlist For When You Need To Chill The Fuck Out
My love language is making music playlists. You’re welcome.
6 Super Real Things You Learn When You’re Part Of A Blended Family
Siblings are built in friends you occasionally want to punch in the face. How is it that on one hand, you’d take a literal bullet for them, and on the other, you want them to JUST SHUT UP, PLEASE WOULD YOU BE QUIET???!
On Being A Hypochondriac (I Swear I’m Fun)
It’s weird to be so afraid of dying but also want to die.
An Actual Question For People Who Like Bryan From ‘The Bachelorette’, Why?
Does she want a dude who posts terribly unfunny memes to his Instagram account that showcase his juvenile sense of humor? Like, come on. DUDE, YOU ARE 37.
Your Goddamn Smile
your goddamn smile
still brings me to my knees