Uh-oh. Did someone just discover the inherent paradox of human consciousness within the context of limited lifespan and the physical laws of the universe? Is someone going to be our next Sartre? This 6-year-old existential poet is Julian, the son of a redditor, and soon to be among the ranks of Camus, Pessoa, et al.
Age 2: You’re in your high chair. It’s your birthday. Cake is all over your face and your arms are outstretched. You have literal fistfuls of cake. You’re grinning. You’re wearing one of those Burger King crowns that come in kids meals. The background of the kitchen is vintage, darkened, crisp, and soft at the same time. Your parents were still young.
How to be an Artist: Start an Etsy ‘store.’ Draw small robots, animals or ‘things’ on printer paper. Add minimal color using the markers you used in grade school. These drawings’ overarching theme should be one of ‘cuteness’ or ‘twee.’ Frame these drawings and list them on Etsy for $20 a piece. Facebook status update that you’ve “finally” started an Etsy page “so [you] can FINALLY start selling [your] art.”
Perhaps we disdain those who Hit On girls. Picture the bro and his wingman at a bar, strategizing. This picture seems predatory. Creepy. Right? But what is this other than Hitting On girls with a bit more of a logical, perhaps less oafish focus? Girls do not want to be Hit On; but girls want to be Hit On.
When you were mid-20s, you realized the extent to which ideals and theories could take you, so as you approach 30, understand reality’s limits to be unfortunate. You can not experience maximum pleasure without opening yourself up to maximum pain; ‘dreams’ are theoretical and therefore impossible to realize fully; your ‘dream girl’ cannot exist, and that is why she is your ‘dream girl’…
“I wanted to live in Manhattan but I didn’t want [it] to take all my money. I found this place through a friend and it’s a great location. [It’s] a great deal… It’s worth it,” says Felice Cohen, the tenant of this 90-square-foot apartment in Manhattan. Cohen’s a professional organizer, which has helped her not run into furniture whenever she’s… inside the apartment, although the first night she slept in the apartment, she reported having a panic attack. Video inside.
I have personally known people that have gone the kind of crazy that Sheen is going. This isn’t special – many people have known those that have gone the Sheen kind of crazy. But we don’t treat them the way in which we’re treating Sheen. We don’t treat that homeless guy with ridicule, scorn and ultimately what results in an extreme amount of attention and, yes, fandom.
An unnamed 34-year-old former top rugby player has allegedly been arrested for murdering three men in Durban, South Africa… with an axe. According to one of the two survivors, the rampage was revenge for the rape and subsequent HIV infection of the rugby player’s daughter. “You infected my daughter with HIV,” the former rugby player is reported to have said before becoming violent.
Why do so many straight guys think it’s funny to hit on gay guys? I can’t tell you the number of times that a straight guy has grabbed my ass, package, or groped me, trying to be flirty. Being a gay guy, of course, I’ve read too much into this and mistaken it for actual flirting, only to be horribly embarrassed when they say, “Oh no, bro, I’m just messing with ya.” Well STOP messing with me!
The seed grows into an unfortunate new reality that we must regularly take into consideration. It develops factual intricacies that further define its terror: there can be no satisfactory time limit to commitment, commitment until things get rough is not commitment, certain parts of the world are now off-limits, compromise has replaced idealism, boredom is contextually normal, no more sex with ANYONE ELSE.