How To Give Your Cat A Pill
Your instinct is to feel bad for my cat, but seriously, don’t. She’ll be fine. She just has to swallow some vitamins everyday — the one to feel bad for is me, because I’m the one that’s gotta make her do it.
I Need A Netflix Queue For My Life
I mean, if Netflix knows everything about us, how we’ll react and respond to a variety of stimuli, why are we wasting this power on a movie? I say it’s time we put Netflix in charge of our entire lives.
You Have To Stop G-Chatting Me, Mom
So I said you must have a phone that couldn’t text, that I heard those existed somewhere, and then I walked out of the room. Because, honestly, I didn’t want you to text.
Why I Internet Date
Why, after too many terrible dates to count, and only a handful of encounters that can reasonably be deemed successes, am I still trying to meet people online? I mean, if every time you opened your front door, a guy hit you in the face with a hammer, you’d probably stop opening the front door, right?
No, I Will Not Go To The Beach With You
I’m gonna say “the beach isn’t really my thing,” and then they’re gonna ask “how can anyone not like the beach?!” with shock and dismay, as if I just told a 6 year-old that Santa doesn’t exist.
Why Mitt Romney Should Become The Marijuana Candidate
Romney may already be a pot smoker. I know what you’re thinking – Mormons can’t drink Diet Coke, I’m pretty sure they’re not allowed low-level narcotics. Well… we have photographic evidence.
The Man Who Can Save American Idol is…
American Idol’s ratings were already dipping last season, and it’s gonna get a lot worse if they replace Simon and Ellen with stunt-casted celebri-blands like J.Lo and Steven Tyler. If producers want to revitalize the show and make it truly interesting, they need unpredictable, they need edge.