But for people whom I barely know, people whose weddings I’m not attending, people who used to post cool videos of snakes molting or whatever and now only talk about fabric options — I implore you, get a grip.
I’m sorry, but a 50-year-old Asian man wearing a Paul Smith suit, a denim jacket, a mink stole, a Louis Vuitton backpack, Air Force Ones, and shutter shades–WHERE IS HE GOING?
You are the swell of my chest when, at all of eight years old, I look across the playground and see the best swing–the one I’m sure will send me over the bar and turn me inside-out forever–completely open. You are the pebbles scattering under my tennis shoes as I race past the monkey bars and under the slide…
I’ve been on a fair amount of first dates in my life, some ending well, others… ending. And like any human emotional endeavor, there is a certain amount of risk involved that you will reveal your inner sociopath far sooner than intended. Having made that particular mistake myself, the following is a list I’ve compiled of things I’ve learned the hard way not to do.