Where Am I From?
Consider me the human version of a potted orchid. An old, stern woman on an airplane once told me orchids are the most difficult flower to grow.
Freelancers Don’t Get Fridays
You know that horrible cliche in movies when a blind person asks a seeing person to describe the sunset? This is how I feel asking my day job friends about Fridays.
Can Women Write About Technology? And Other Useless Questions
Women can’t know anything about technology. Because of our tiny squirrel brains and the fact that we still rub two sticks together to make fire. Wait. How am I writing this article? I’m on a…computer? What’s that? What is this? WITCHCRAFT. WITCHCRAFT. BURN IT.
Your Facebook Notifications Probably
An old friend from middle school tagged you in a super unflattering series of scanned photographs of a school trip you all went on where you’re either wearing all Limited Too or have severe acne on your forehead. HA HA HA. REMEMBER WHEN YOU WERE UGLY?
The Funniest Stand Up Comedy Bits About Rap Music
Rappers are starting to sound less like they’re bragging and more like they’re listing their tax write offs.
Regarding The Proper Use of Peter Dinklage
He’s magnetic to watch and he’s a good-looking guy on any metric. Give him a role where he’s the love interest or hell, even where he’s just a normal guy whose height isn’t mentioned.
The Funniest Stand Up Comedy Bits About Food
On the top of his bejeweled and fried throne is the Hot Pocket joke to end all food jokes.
Comedian Calls Out Progressive Insurance For Defending Sister’s Killer
So on top of their daughter’s death, these parents had to sit through a trial they didn’t even want to have. And the person at fault was defended by the insurance company that was supposed to cover Katie. Just…wow.
Daniel Day-Lewis Looks Amazing As Abraham Lincoln
Remember the Arrested Development episode where George Michael says his teacher loves Saddam Hussein and Jason Bateman is like, “You mean, she’s interested in Saddam Hussein” and George Michael says, “Nope. She loves him.” This is how I am with Lincoln.
Christian Bale, Why Do You Hate Newsies?
You and Daniel Day-Lewis will someday ride off into the sunset together on the backs of dragons.