You’re at your desk, but then suddenly you’re at the vending machine. How did you get there? Did you float? Oh. Is there a tiny unicorn for sale in the vending machine?! It’s waving at you from E7. Its tail is multi-colored streamers. Its hooves are Oreo cookies. No, wait. You’re blinking. Your eyes were closed. How long have your eyes been closed? Where did that unicorn/cookie go?
When I heard there was going to be a Green Day musical a while back, I was ecstatic. My days as a teenage RENT-head had left me hungry for another kick-ass rock opera and at heart, I wanted to believe I was still that eighth-grader writing the lyrics to “Minority” on her trapper-keeper in white-out pen…
You want to buy the person donuts and a speedboat and a ruby necklace and a year’s supply of Oreo cookies and a signed Indiana Jones fedora on which Harrison Ford has written, “Please forgive the person giving you this fedora. They are so, so sorry! Xoxo, Han Solo.”
15. Paul Rudd’s entire filmography, in one (1) DVD box set, alphabetized except for the film Wet Hot American Summer, which should go on top of the box set and be leaned against one (1) can of Goya Pinto Beans.
Tattoos are art. Someone drew them and I paid to hang their work in the gallery that is my body. Would you bum rush the Mona Lisa and start smearing your dirty hands all over it? Do you need to touch every bump on a Van Gogh to appreciate what it looks like? Not if you’re not Mr. Magoo, you don’t.
If you’ve reached this article, it’s because you are a non-superhero female character in a graphic novel and you’re searching for what you’re supposed to do now. Before you popped up in this graphic novel as the reluctant sidekick to the tough-yet-emotionally-broken male protagonist, you most likely had your own life.
Wonder if one of these doors leads to Narnia or to a really cute guy in a suit playing piano by himself because he’s bashful about people hearing him even though he’s really good. Think about your own wedding to piano guy at this venue.
I was watching Romeo + Juliet the other night and in between jamming to the Cardigans’ ‘Lovefool’ and mourning young Leonardo DiCaprio, I remembered a ’90s hottie I hadn’t thought about in a while.