When I Fantasize About Us Getting Back Together

You receive a phone call from one of my friends. There’s been a terrible car accident/earthquake/fire and the doctors aren’t sure if I’ll live through the night. Overcome with emotion, you leave your very important meeting and rush to my bedside. Maybe I’m in a coma, or maybe I just have a single sexy scratch on my cheek. It depends on how I’m feeling that day.

4 People Who Always Stress Me Out

If I spot one of these clipboard toters from far enough away I’ll cross the street and walk on the other side. But if it’s too late to cross or turn around without looking suspicious, I’ll pull out my iPhone and fiddle around with it while furrowing my brow, ya know, because I’m so busy.

5 Things I Do The Week After Getting Dumped

Starbucks is basically made for public meltdowns. People will leave you alone and it gives you the chance to sit in a warm place for a long period of time. Plus, the last time this happened, a stranger gave me a cake pop.