Even if I do decide to one day get married, which is a thing that has yet to particularly appeal to me, I certainly don’t want to wait for that kind of ideological tectonic brain shift to occur before I get some bling of my very ownzies.
Pummel him with our giant, cancerous, excised cervical tumors that we grew because of lack of adequate preventative care.
Do you see that? I’m still obsessing. I’m still in that part of this thing. I have to move past the hyper-analytical wake of the break-up before I can find the lesson from the hurt, integrate it into my emotional oeuvre, and use it to be a slightly wiser, more well-equipped version of myself for the future.
These are tremendous moments of personal evolution, enlightenment, empowerment, bravery, and yet Facebook seems to assume that the conclusion of every relationship is a sad, somber little secret.
Let’s slow down for a minute and think about Ms. Judd and her words a little more carefully… because it’s possible that a rant like this is not doing as much to help the world as you might think.
As I was gazing at stunning images of her twerking her way to an Easter egg bounty, it occurred to me that while we’ve spent years lamenting the media validation of these specimens of watered-down, collagen-filled, cartoonish femaleness, we’ve been overlooking how really, really good they make the rest of us look.
Shake the hangover out of your hair, pour that latte straight into your eyeballs, because you have to keep up, and no, you don’t have a choice.
Anyone who looks like the anemic byproduct of a coked out three-way between Garth Algar, Lisa Loeb, and Corey Feldman is absolutely going to make sounds that give us all cheap, acidic headaches.
Going from social smooth sailor to all-out pariah isn’t easy, but trust me – if I can do it, so can you. And I’m here to help.
They’re just filled with milk. That’s what we had in elementary school, bags of milk, loosely based on the boob. But no, your boobs don’t just fill up with milk alone, there are, like, layers of insulation to keep the milk cold, right?