Let’s Get These Celebrity Death Tweets Out Of The Way
CONDOLEEZZA RICE
US Secretary of State/Subject of Numerous Conspiracy Theories
1954-2036
Most Popular Tweet: “Rice, cooked.”
It’s Hard Out There On The Streets For A Male Babysitter
For every male babysitter, there are a hundred teenage girls trying to take his spot. Don’t sleep.
The First Amendment, Amended
While no law shall prohibit the free and unfettered practice thereof, maybe don’t go around shoving your religion up everyone’s butt all the time.
The Old And The Phoneless
If our crew planned to meet up at Burger King at 2, and the line was too long, we waited for everyone to show up before we could move on to an alternate destination. If a friend wasn’t home, and you wanted to get in touch with him… sorry. It took a phone-tree style effort to track him down and relay the simplest message.
Several More Compelling Arguments Against Marriage Equality
Gay People Getting Married Leads To Socialized Medicine!
Help Kickstart My Sex Tape
This is my first sex tape, so there will be a strict “no heckling” policy. I don’t want you ruining my big break. If you think it’s not going well, keep it to yourself.
Give Up: A Guide To Surviving The Zombie Apocalypse
Outside of the physical benefits of zombiehood, there are myriad psychological advantages. I’ve never seen a zombie freak out about money.
Wanted: Part-Time Hype Man
I’ve considered therapy and meditation, two techniques that have benefitted numerous friends, but neither seems to offer quite the boost I’m seeking. What I really need, it turns out, is a hype man.
Take My Wallet, Please!
Having a wallet that is more valuable than your telephone is the defining mark of adulthood.
Anne Hathaway And Jennifer Lawrence Must Fight To The Death
We can’t continue to have two young Oscar-winning actresses with slightly divergent personalities running amok in Hollywood.