You Are Perfect
I know you don’t know this yet because I know what you see when you look in the mirror. I know the imperfections you create and they don’t matter; they’re vampires in your bloody massacre, and the mirror doesn’t see them at all.
How You Know You’re About To Have Terrible Sex
As soon as a dude turns on The XX and starts dry humping you to the beat of “Crystalized” I suggest you put your top back on and demand he call you a car, even if it is 4 a.m. and you’re really horny. No good can come of this situation.
Things I Wish Were Not OK But Are Definitely OK
Gum brings out an ugly, horrendous side of humanity. I immediately assume anyone chewing gum is a pimp or a drug dealer, or some kind of other abomination on society that should not be allowed to move freely in public spaces.
How Katy Perry Ruined My Date
It’s a tale as old as time: Girl meets boy. Boy asks girl out on date. Katy Perry ruins date. I mean, what date hasn’t Katy Perry ruined?
When You Have A Broken Heart
When you have a broken heart, you won’t know how to put it back together. You’ll be screaming inside everywhere you go, and while you’re smiling at all the people around you, telling them you’re over this and that, and you definitely think that guy across the bar and a cutie and you’re going to give him your number — inside, it’s all aflame.
Things I Wish Were OK But Are Definitely Not OK
Here’s the thing: “Butterfly” is not a good song. It’s definitely going to make you look cooler if to act like you hate it; we all like to pretend we’re only singing it ironically, but at the same time we’re casting furtive glances around the room, hoping someone will open that can of worms and say that they actually love it.
How To Destroy Something Beautiful
First, you will meet someone amazing — probably better than amazing. This person will fulfill and exceed all your expectations. Whatever it is you’ve been looking for all this time, this person will exemplify that, and you’ll begin falling for them in every conceivable way.
I Want To Dress Sexy For Halloween
I want to dress sexy for Halloween. I don’t think a woman should dress solely to please a man or to please a man at all — I think a woman should just, very simply, dress as she wants.
Why It Can Be Scary When Everything Starts Going Right
Rock bottom means things can’t get worse. It means you don’t have any expectations. It gives you a degree of consistency. In short, rock bottom is your safety net—it gives you something familiar to fall back into if you lose your grip when you’re trying to claw your way out of lumps of crap that have piled up on top of you.
The Impotence Of LOL As A Descriptive Acronym
Fast forward to the now and I still don’t know when the hell to throw down a LOL. I mean, when was the last time you typed “LOL” and were actually, physically laughing out loud? It’s rare that one laughs out loud during a typed conversation, but it seems that LOL is thrown around quite gratuitously.