That he used his sleeping app to wake him up at 4:30am (optimal REM cycles achieved) and then switched to his meditation app and meditated for 90 minutes this morning. You woke up at 6am and should feel unaccomplished.
Breakfast consists of grabbing multiple handfuls of Cap’n Crunch Berries while you do your first scroll through Reddit. Memes are your true sustenance. You refrain from properly hydrating because it makes you think rationally.
You enjoy the temporary. You thrive in fleeting moments, in short-term planning, and in expiration dates. You don’t denounce things as failure because they didn’t last forever.
I won’t be able to analyze everyone’s Instagrams and silently scream about how much better everyone’s life looks compared to mine. Like, how are people my age gallivanting around on yachts? ALSO, IT’S A TUESDAY.
I am an overall threat to the Movement of Universal Chillness. I flail a lot. I physically can’t lounge anywhere. My voice reaches the high octave of a pubescent boy when I dislike something that’s happening. Help me.
Disclaimer: This list is only relatable to ONE woman.
Her stories touch a raw nerve every woman will resonate with—about how hard it is for us to be taken seriously.
Did you ever hook up with Jenny?
Is his Murray Hill apartment co-signed by his parents?
You know how to tell them just enough, but not too much. You’re just innately very uncomfortable opening up to anyone, and you know these people have some kind of perpetual email chain going on with the subject line: Family Secrets/Embarrassing Stories.