You don’t need that boy or girl as much as you think you do. You don’t need to be in a relationship to truly feel fulfilled. You just need yourself and a little faith that someday, you’ll get to where you need to be.
When anxiety takes over, you may not know it. You may not know the seriousness of it. You may not know it has taken ahold of you. You may think it’s silly. You might even listen to those people, when they tell you it’s not a big deal. You might even listen to them, when they tell you it will go away on it’s own.
It’s telling yourself to breathe. Just breathe. But you don’t know how.
This isn’t the life we deserve at all. We weren’t meant to be so scared of failure. To be so frightened of falling. We weren’t meant to live a life full of unchecked boxes. We weren’t meant to concentrate so much on what we are doing wrong, instead of what we are doing that’s right.
Only after the destruction, will you be able to start rebuilding your heart back up again.
I’m going to therapy to love myself harder. To treat myself better. To care for myself in ways that no one else can. I’m going to therapy to love parts of myself that I haven’t found compassion for yet. I’m going to come to terms with my mistakes, and to accept me for me. The good and the bad parts.
Look at failure as a stepping stone to success.
If anxiety were a person, this is what I would say to him. I would beg him to get out of my head, to let me go. I would shout at him like he was an ex boyfriend saying, ‘leave me the fuck alone, just go’. But anxiety didn’t care what I thought. Anxiety didn’t care what I wanted at all.
I hope I leave you now with the aftertaste of regret when you remember everything you could’ve had.
So what if you are failing and falling right now? So what if you aren’t ‘making it’ just yet? So what if you aren’t in love right now? That doesn’t make you unworthy. That does not make you trash. So, please, stop making yourself into someone smaller than you are.