You Didn’t Want To Date Me, You Just Wanted Me To Find Your Father’s Killer
I’m the one who always has to wipe the slate clean, but why do I always have to get wiped away with it?
I’m the one who always has to wipe the slate clean, but why do I always have to get wiped away with it?
I had a dream, but when you’ve got no charisma it can be hard to get ahead. Which is why you fake it. For 13 years I pretended confidence, and now I’m serving Sloppy Joes to the President himself with my weird finger hand.
While it may seem fun and silly as you stroll down the street, your sight glued to adverts like macaroni to a third grader’s art project, know that it’s effecting your brain in ways you never imagined.
When he talks to legendary cartoonist and stranger Jim Davis, saying, “Hey man, I need a second opinion. Does this girl look like a thin version of your Garfield?” you can take that as a good sign.
Are you looking for an employee? Have you been struggling to find a subordinate who can meet your qualifications, then never live up to them?
“…And so I told him, ‘Kid, you just gotta keep doing it, and you’ll be great.’”
If you see your best friend petting your cat, it’s adorable. If you see them petting the love of your life, not only are you heartbroken, you’re deeply confused.
Best: You’re a casual rebel. Someone who plays by his own rules, skipping niceties all together. You know you’re the best; you even put it before your name.
After careful deliberation and excessive amounts of self-doubt, you have been invited to attend the Pants Party. Count yourself lucky, as this is a newly inspired event, stemming from the great red carpet viewing of “American Pie: Naked Mile” much time ago.