Thought.is

I kind of want Avril Levigne to tie me up and say racist shit to me while she shoves dumplings up my ass.

The “I’m a PC” guy’s head goes flying through the air and hits the giant white Apple logo that marks the portal to hell.

After all these fucking years of having to be charming and intelligent to get by in the world, people are going to like me just because they think I’m a piece of ass!

Fuck Barbie. You need Lammily in your life.

The dim-witted social-justice warriors behind the #CancelColbert hashtag were my last hope for sanity in a post-public-hobo-shit world. They’ve failed me.

The words, “Oh God, no edits!” reverberated across the living room of Steve Job’s Woodside, California mansion. The exclamation was followed…