Thought.is

Once upon a humid Manhattan night, after a long shift where every guest seems to order the all-you-can eat pasta bowl, jump for joy as the clock strikes midnight, setting you free to truly begin your night. Throwing your regulation black water resistant restaurant shoes, caked in clam sauce into your too small clutch, strap on your 4 inch F-ouboutin heels, the red paint cracking off the bottom and sprint onto the N train to meet your friends in the East Village.

The recent creation of a blog devoted exclusively to judging the tips we give delivery men has left the lazy and obese everywhere re-considering their relationship with the men (and the 5 delivery women in America) who enable our lethargy.

Most importantly, make sure to avoid including glimpses of your crusty apartment in the background of these images. Your potential buyer will not want to know that you use your dresser as a surrogate bar or that you haven’t changed your sheets nor made your bed in four weeks. Or, you know, just snap a photo with your iPhone of the dresser where it is.