Inner Monologue Of Bo Obama
Well, today is the day I let him know the truth. Wake him up to the dangers that lie in our midst. And I MUST keep my resolve. No matter how many ear scratches he tosses my way.
Do Less
Writers who decide they want to BE A WRITER forget that, because they’re so concerned with “sounding like a writer” that they become more concerned with sounding smart than they do with communicating what they’re trying to say.
The Most Perfect Legally Binding Facebook Status Update To Protect Your Facebook Status Updates From Being Stolen By Facebook
This notice also refuses to acknowledge the argument that using Facebook 10 hours a day and complaining about it for eight of them is akin to washing your hair every day with bleach and then screaming how mad you are that your hair is yellow-green and falling out in patches.
This I Know Is True
I know if I keep up this meta-commentary any more that you will move from “charmed” to “annoyed” rather quickly, if you aren’t there already.
A Fiction Writer Applies for a Job in Sales
Well, what’s the pants policy?
How To Almost Burn Your House Down With Julia Child
A towel? Like, a paper towel? Or a regular towel. I don’t know, when I mean paper towel I never just say “towel,” I say “paper towel.” A towel is a towel. So, OK. To the bathroom!
10 Signs You’re Becoming An Old Soul
I don’t like screaming over a dubstep bass drop when they ask me how my job is. I would like to be able to tell them “terrible and soul crushing” in a normal speaking voice, thank you very much.
It Isn’t All About You
A perfect friend is someone who is always there for you, no matter what. For you, above all else. No matter what your friend is going through, you come first. You know what that sounds like a more accurate description of? A butler.
10 Characters From Space Jam And Whether Or Not You Should Marry Them
Wisecracking, delightful. You always know that Bugs can make you laugh. Then again, his intimacy doesn’t seem to go beyond smacking huge kisses on the lips of both males and females, and he also only seems to eat carrots, which would probably get old after a while. But you can get over that.
7 Things I Realized While Attending A Fancy Party
I was wearing my gray suit, which is my fancy party suit, but then again it is also my funeral suit and my wedding suit and my Bar Mitzvah suit and my job interview suit.