But today is Memorial Day, and whether you’re a true patriot like some folks or just a regular patriot like myself, it’s important that we take the day to honor those that served this country, but differently than we honor them on Veteran’s Day.
Men. Ugh. Is there anything they won’t ruin with their penises? It seems like every day I’m reading about some new aspect of my life that I didn’t realize was destroyed by men.
Since Swayze’s passing, there have been nine deaths related to biker shootouts at roadhouses.
Imagine if we could have pardoned him and subjected him to the mental torture of being a Shia LeBeouf type?
I know that Batman is for me, an adult, because they removed the humor and made it dark and brooding.
Zero Dark Thirty was almost 100% accurate.
See the world is literally filled with great but unknown female comedians, and the only reason you haven’t heard of them is because of sexism.
Women everywhere are going nuts for men who just let it all go, develop a beer gut from excessive alcohol consumption, and ultimately begin to resemble the man all women secretly want to fuck: their father.
But like literally everything that exists today, I’m worried time travel will be inherently problematic. It’ll be sexist. It’ll be racist. And it most certainly will be transphobic.
Good news Star Wars fans! The fourth may really be with us today! Take a look at the title crawl for the upcoming Force Awakens, leaked exclusively here on Thought Catalog!