Thought.is

Are you ready? Are you excited? Can you feel that nervous tingle in the air? Hey, let’s go to war! Give me your war cry! War cry, raaaaah! Okay, that was terrible. We’ll work on that later on.

Somehow she had become something that I could buy anonymously. …Somehow, she had become a product, while I was still a consumer. How had this happened? Had I ever really liked her? Had I even loved her?

Once upon a time, I was considered to be a highly “promising” young writer. In fact, I was supposed to write a novel. This didn’t happen for several reasons — one of which was that I am simply not very good at making things up; which, as far as I can tell, is a major component of writing a novel. Another reason is my love for daytime television, which is highly distracting.

Here’s the thing about being an alcoholic — alcoholics all think that they’re special. Of course, normal people all think that they’re special too; that’s just a facet of human nature. But alcoholics all think that they’re special in a way that normal people aren’t, and that even other alcoholics aren’t. They all think that they’re unique; beautiful little butterflies.

Nation, I present to you Lexi St. George, brought to you by Ark Music Factory, the same vanity recording company that brought you Rebecca Black…

Age 5 — “The Giving Tree”: Don’t ever do anything nice for anyone ever.

Age 7 — “Charlotte’s Web”: Your children will leave you.  Plus, try to be less scared of spiders in real life.

Age 8 — “From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler”: …Running away is — a really really good idea?

This video is called “Food Fight” — and yes, it depicts modern warfare via stop-motion animated food. For some reason — for me, at least — this video does a better job of illustrating the pointlessness, stupidity, and folly of war than most real war documentaries or movies do. The news has decided to pretend that we’re not involved in two wars right now, but this video helps to remind you that we are.

Everything can be boring sometimes; that’s just a part of life. There’s a line in the novel Madame Bovary about “the eternal monotony of passion.” Right. Even the best thing that you can think of can be boring sometimes. I like playing video games, but I get bored with them sometimes, even though video games are designed to be fun.

I was in all ways a better and more interesting person when I was a little kid. There is one main difference between me as a kid and me now. As a kid, I followed through with shit. Did I want to learn about medieval history as a kid? Then by god, I read every single book ever about medieval history. Did I want to learn how to draw the Superman symbol? Then I would sit at our kitchen table and repetitively draw that symbol until my fingers bled.