Everything would just be easier if she were seeing a guy, the way it was when she was seeing Jordan. Then we could just be friends. I love her and I’ll always be attracted to her, but she needs more than I can give. It’s real sad, I guess, but maybe things will work out.
I worked out (shoulders and triceps) while watching The Empire Strikes Back, the second of the Star Wars movies. It was pretty corny, but like all American boys, I identified with Luke Skywalker. (In addition, I think Mark Hamill is cute.)
At break, I chatted with Mark outside. We’ve gotten almost to the flirting stage. I told him about the People assignment and talked about my publicity campaigns, and he remembered once seeing me on the TV news. I could tell I was getting more attractive to him.
I was driving down University Drive on my way to Hollywood when a bulletin interrupted a radio call-in show: first they announced “a malfunction” aboard the space shuttle, and then an explosion. I felt sick to my stomach as I heard the news. At the credit union, someone had brought out a TV set and people were watching it numbly.
Up in Tamarac, I found Pete at his parents’ house. He showed me a videotape of “Love Me Like a Bitter Pill,” the hour-long performance piece he did with Katrinka and Donna. I was impressed with the professional quality of the material. Pete has tremendous stage presence; Whoopi Goldberg would be envious.
Afterwards, like a typical male, I just wanted to fall asleep holding her, so I asked her to spend the night. I always seem to sleep soundly when Ronna is in bed with me. She was hard to wake up, but at 7:15 AM, I started touching her feet with mine, and gradually, body part by body part, I got her up so she could walk back to her apartment and get ready for work.
For me, sexual intimacy is a refuge from the real world. After knowing each other 15 years, and being lovers since 1972 – despite the long gaps – Ronna and I are attuned to each other. Does that mean we love each other, or do married couples who hate each other also have fantastic sex because they know each other so well?
Alice and Peter “broke up” again, though it would be more correct to say they had a fight. All of a sudden she’s started to wonder why “everyone” is getting married and she’s not. Peter’s done very well in meeting her expectations and demands, but he’s adamant about not wanting another marriage.
She invited me to stay over, but I’m not sure I should. I don’t want Ronna to get too emotionally involved with me just as I’m about to return to Florida. I love her, but I also know that my gayness precludes a long-term commitment to a woman – even Ronna. If I’m to remain a friend to Ronna, I can’t let her waste her time and energy on me.
I went back to Ronna’s, ostensibly for tea. Once settled in the kitchen, however, she gave me a hug and kiss, and I responded, and as we have so many times before, we ended up all over one another. I suggested we move from the kitchen, where we were vertical, to the bedroom, where we got horizontal.