Last night with Mrs. Ehrlich, I realized that I like to be busy all the time and to have things structured, so I won’t have time to think. I suppose I’ve been having sexual feelings and fantasies that are disturbing to me.
My graduation’s on June 5, one day after I turn 22. Looking over the form to send away for tickets, Mom said, “I’d never have thought you could do it – not after that first day.”
In the car, Costas said he was talking to Melvin the other day about how Ronna and I were “a perfect couple”; that’s not true, but it’s nice that people see us that way.
Stacy said I “performed like a good masculine specimen,” whatever that means, and kissed me on the forehead, leaving me to close up her office, as she had to meet another subject for her experiment.
Elspeth was visibly upset; I think she’s afraid – once again – that she’s pregnant. As Scott said, “Three strikes and you’re out.” Does she keep doing this to get the attention?
We were eating Deaf Smith peanut butter sandwiches in the kitchen when she suddenly turned to me and said, “You know I love you, don’t you?” I just nodded, but it sort of freaked me out to hear her say it for the first time.
I guess I now feel differently than I did a couple of years ago: a quiet, homey, blue jeans and bacon-and-eggs kind of love is much preferable to stormy, highly intense passion.
We straightened the whole thing out without bitter words or crying. I told her I’m not the same person I was, that she isn’t Shelli, that I’m not Ivan, and either we’re honest with each other or not.
She smelled of Noxzema, which was nice, and she let me caress her bare breasts, and we tickled each other. Slowly we’re exploring each other, our minds as well as our bodies.
I find her amazingly passionate. We were in the middle of something, and I said, “Wow, quiet little Ronna, who would have thought?” and she stopped and looked at me and smiled and kissed me again.