Thought.is

I’ve been exercising with the barbells for weeks now, and my muscles are beginning to show for it. I don’t have a fantastic build, but it is kind of sexy.

This afternoon, I relaxed and read Thomas Mann’s Death in Venice, a beautiful story. I’m attracted to younger boys like Tadzio; perhaps I’m trying to regain my lost innocence.

I left the theater in a good mood, whistling all the way home. Right at the moment, I don’t care who knows I’m gay — except, perhaps, my family.

On the Mill Basin bus coming home from the station, a very good-looking boy came over and sat down next to me […] He sat really close to me and I had a desire (too weak a word) to embrace him.

I found Peter very attractive this afternoon, and I got the feeling he could also be gay. Am I ready for that kind of relationship? Sometimes I feel an overwhelming need to hold another human being in my arms.

I still haven’t decided which way I’m going to go; even bisexuality has its problems. I expressed my twin fears about asking a girl for a date: that she will reject me, and more importantly, that she will accept me and I’ll have to be masculine and make out with her.

Lately I’ve been reading that masturbation is good for you, and I believe it — probably because I want to.

He can be called for basic training at any time and probably won’t finish the term. I consoled him with the thought that four months on a base in the South is better than a tour of duty in Vietnam.

Why must the government torture our young men?

June 4th was the twentieth date picked for the draft lottery. I’ve never been one of the luckiest people. But I’m ineligible for this year’s lottery.