Imagine this friend three hours from now when they’ll be puking all over their nice birthday outfit. They won’t even have had their cake yet and all of their friends will be FREAKING. OUT. Someone who’s only medium-drunk will have to take them home and leave them on their bed half-naked with Doritos in their hair.
You can date someone in the summertime when it’s too hot to have rules. This person might not make sense in February when you’re wearing thick coats and eating too much, but they’ll fit in nicely at a Fourth of July barbecue or a pool party. Your bodies will stick together in the heat and sometimes having sex will be the grossest activity you can think of, but you’ll do it anyway.
You’ll miss the feeling of being in a cocoon. You’ll never feel it more than you do at these house parties. When you graduate, people primarily only celebrate birthday parties or good news. If you do go to a run-of-the-mill house party, you risk running into kids who are still in college, and that will be really embarrassing for you.
Welcome to the reality of Generation Rx-a modern moment in time when everyone has their doctor on speed dial and gets handed Ambien for restless nights, Xanax for those stressful family dinners and Vicodin for those pesky headaches. Everyone has a new drug dealer and it’s called Walgreens pharmacy.
The Top 8- a feature in which a Myspace user could rate their eight most important friendships based on who they liked better that day-literally destroyed relationships. At first, it was fun to have your 8 best friends hanging out next to each other on a website because, oh my god, you loved them and you wanted everyone to know it! But then it just turned into an evil passive-agressive tool.
Seeing old pictures of yourself is both mortifying and life-affirming. On one hand, I’m so glad I no longer have a nose ring and wear mismatched Puma shoes. On the other, I can’t believe I even pierced my nose and thought mismatched Puma shoes were a good idea.
Teen girls must be virgins in order for a boy to like them, they’re attracted to gays and assholes, raping their best friend is a major deal breaker and sometimes they shack up with a boring guy because it’s easier and less drama.
Politicians sure say the darndest things, don’t they? This week, Loudoun Supervisor, Eugene Delgaudio was the latest one to get his feet wet in the stupid pool when he composed an e-mail in which he accused the Transportation Safety Administration of having a homosexual agenda.
COCK OUT is a new game created by an AIDS awareness organization in which you do just as the title implies: Take your cock out, put on a motion-sensing virtual condom (Duh! I have one with me right now!) and start swinging your penis at the big bad virus, HIV.
Doesn’t she know that it’s difficult to convince people of your sobriety when you’re not actually sober? I mean, I’m glad she signed up because when the cameras rolled, they provided us with so many delicious gems but c’mon!