All of the things you haven’t done/will never do. Everything from “I really need to call my health insurance company” to “AM I EVER GOING TO, LIKE, OWN A HOUSE? OR FIND LOVE? I should work on that tomorrow. Or, at the very least, join a gym. OMG, wait, the gym. That reminds me. I am so fat…”
Here’s what love needs in order to survive: intimacy. (NOW DON’T USE BIG WORDS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND.) You can’t love a wall, you can’t love an emotionally closed-off psycho, you can’t love someone who doesn’t respect you.
You’re brave if you’re able to get out of a situation that feels comfortably uncomfortable. You’re brave if you leave some form of love behind with no guarantees of ever finding something else.
Nowadays, it seems like whenever anyone displays an iota of self-esteem, people are quick to jump on them and scream, “OMG, humblebrag, seriously.” I mean most of the time it’s not even used correctly!
This guy never met your friends. You never went on a date. All you know is his apartment, the fact that he likes to eat rice pudding after sex and has a plethora of intimacy issues.
The future, which once seemed so promising, is now precarious for Azealia Banks. While I don’t think that her sparring with other celebrities should have a negative impact on her career, I believe that she should be mindful of how she treats people in the industry.
Pretend your hangover doesn’t exist. Ignore its constant texts to hang out. Ignore all the symptoms. Be in complete denial and convince all of your friends go to kayaking and/or rock climbing all day.
Write a letter of complaint to Netfix when they send you the movie Mr. Right starring popular inoffensive lesbian Ellen DeGeneres instead of an actual Mr. Right.
Working Britney to the bone for over a decade clearly proved detrimental to her well-being so I’m glad she’s shied away from the spotlight in recent years. What does make me sad, though, is how soulless she looks.
The definition of a date has become a lot looser in the past few years. Like, you don’t have to buy me flowers or pay for dinner for me to know that you want to put your P in my A.