How To Eat At A Restaurant Like An Actual Human Being
My tables are real estate and I’m their slumlord. You know what happens when you don’t pay rent? You get evicted.
Dear Bros: Let’s Stop Cat-Calling
Have you seen TLC’s “Scrubs” get played at a bar? You know who knows all the words? EVERY GIRL IN THAT BAR.
No One Is Original
We all have these stolen quirks. They make up who we are and we can’t help but steal them. My aunt Laura showed me the know-how that real Midwesterners scream obscenities at the opponent and our own team when they suck (which happened a lot growing up in Cleveland.)
Who Cares What Your Stupid Friends Think?
Don’t let your friends or coworkers or your Twitter “followers” tell you otherwise. This isn’t the pool. You don’t need your Mommy to tell to wait 30 minutes after eating to swim. Jump on in. You need to find people, places, and things that are compatible with you.
We Have To Stop Calling Girls “Crazy”
I won’t put the worst of someone else on the internet without agreeing to put the best of them right beside it. I’m talking about us all living in a glass house. Only an idiot goes and throws stones, my bros.
The 4 Times I Force Myself To Clean My Apartment
I like to explode a few Hot Pockets in the microwave, sear some bacon before I dump the grease and pan into my sink (sorry environment), and then crawl into bed covered in cheap pizza sauce and regret.