Before You Give Up On The ‘Emotionally Scarred Woman,’ Read This

Her damaged heart has traces. Traces of each crushing moment in the past that it took a beating. If only in her younger years she had a quick glimpse into the many milestones that had yet to come. All she saw through was an invisible blind shield that displayed what she imagined love would be. She had one too many glimpses of Disney princesses with the perfect life and everlasting promises. Her bright eyes gleamed with hope as she saw princesses and ones that even looked like her, that had nice men willing to climb castles for her love. She knew she was told that it was a fairytale, but she never knew exactly how it may have been foreshadowing the future all that time.

Her first slash to the heart is something I promise she will never forget. Whether she knew it or not she was at her most vulnerable state. Call it naïve, or maybe just the inability to see the ticking time bomb that was waiting to implode on her. Her curiosity could’ve led her miles, and her gates were wide open to the distances she could go with all the dreams of her personal story of happily ever after. She was so welcoming to the boy who was going to sweep her off her feet just like in the in the movies. He would take her on long romantic walks, while they danced in the rain. Suddenly, he walked right into her life pleasantly unexpected. She started to feel her heart beat out of control, and she could not understand how it was possible in the moment to stop herself from smiling ear to ear. The butterflies and excitement could not feel more uplifting. Then just as easily and suddenly he appeared in her life, he walked right back out, stomping on her heart and every pure idea it had.

She didn’t think that she could ever repair the torn threads that were barely keeping her heart together. Time passed day by day, and it seemed to get easier. The threads started repairing themselves and eventually it gave her the strength to stand up and get herself back up, out into the dating world again. This time perhaps she was older and wiser than before. The unfortunate events of the past were not going to ruin her future. She did not let that burning flame of desire to sizzle out and keep her from the one who was going to make all the past heartache worth it. It took a little longer to begin to vamp up her trust again in the ability for a man to properly handle her heart graciously.

Things were great, until the next man stepped up and mishandled her heart again, and maybe once more. All of her past wounds that she started to recover from had been ripped apart again. See, then she began to notice a pattern with men. It was prevalent to her that maybe time would allow her to move on again. She wanted with every fiber of her being to know the secret to stop this from happening. To have the power to stop the false judgement, the lies, and the fake and cruel intentions that led to a grueling heartache. However, each new face she saw seemed to just mesh together. What was really the difference? She questioned not only her own judgment, but everyone else’s intentions that walked into her life.

It’s not your fault, nor is it hers. Believe me she really wishes that she could glance into a little magic ball and predict the future. Like fairytales, that would never be possible. The only way she knew how to screen these men, was through her strongly founded defense and time. That seemed to be the only answer. Build a wall so thick, and sky high that no tricks or schemes could possibly tear it down. It is a conscious attempt as well as an unconscious nature to her now. This wall was not solely built for your purpose. You just happened to walk into it. Please know it’s not that she doesn’t love and appreciate your presence, because she certainly does. But you must understand that your presence cannot help but bring uncertainty to her guarded heart.

Let’s put this more into perspective. Ideally, first dates should be fun, easy-going, and a chance to shine in all the ways that makes her unique, while having the ability to connect with you. Superficial connections based on attraction can be made almost immediately. Don’t think for one second that her nervous laughter and nail biting can in fact be masking something much more deep, like the ability of her brain to be fully analyzing all your words and motions. It may even seem like an interview. Her distrusting, but wise mind is looking for any clue or pattern to the puzzle of your motives. This is something that doesn’t just turn off quickly like a switch, and it is quite possible that this never ends. When she has a clearer image and comfortable understanding of you, she can begin to allow herself to love and trust again. In this process, it is nothing but natural to not feel the closeness and intimacy that comes with a romantic relationship. The numerous questions, distance, and your validation are important to her in all this confusion in her heart. Instead of questioning your relationship and compatibility with this woman, you must learn to be very patient with her instead.

In the meantime, treat and cherish her the way in the way she deserves. No one is saying you have to shower her in dozens of roses and gifts. But, be accepting towards her in regards to her insecurities and thoughts that may seem so absurd and foreign to you. Let her know It’s okay and you will try your hardest to always understand them because they’re important to you too. Show her you’re here for the long haul by her side, especially when she needs you the most. Show her you’ll be there to help knock down her walls one piece at a time no matter how long it may take her. The right one for this woman will have no problem waiting because he knows she is worth every second. The person you know now is just as beautiful and amazing as she is behind her wall. While giving the time, you may notice much more light shine through than you had ever expected before.