Being Single Fucking Sucks Sometimes, And I’m Not Afraid To Admit It

I feel like I’m constantly surrounded by couples. Everyone has someone to lean on, someone to wrap their arms around and someone to call theirs.

Everyone around me has someone to kiss hello and goodbye, they all have someone to walk hand in hand with, someone to cuddle up next to on the couch when it gets cold at night.

Then there’s me.

It feels like I’m the only person who doesn’t have someone while everyone else in my life has their person.

I messaged my friends from home the other day and realized every single one of them I asked how their partner was doing because they’re all in happy relationships. I went out this weekend and realized that everyone I was with was coupled up. Then I realized that I’m actually alone; I’m not a package deal, I’m just me.

I wish I could sugar coat it, find a nice way to put it, dress it up in a cute little bow, but I can’t because the reality of it is sometimes being single sucks, it just fucking sucks.

As happy as you are for everyone in your life, it’s hard to watch all your friends be happy with someone. It’s hard to accept that they have someone else in their life and they don’t spend all their time with you anymore. It’s hard to accept that while you’re home alone watching Netflix by yourself that they are enjoying the company of someone who they can’t get enough of.

They’re settling down and you couldn’t be more alone. That’s a shitty feeling no matter how you spin it.

Being around people who are in love will make you feel alone like nothing else. It’s hard to be around people who are all mushy so you just back off a little. You isolate yourself because you don’t fit in and you’re sick of third wheeling, or fifth wheeling or seventh wheeling. You’re always just the odd one out, the one riding solo.

It makes things hard, sometimes it makes you feel so alone the only thing you hope can make you feel better is waking up in the morning with a new mindset.

You try so hard to maintain the single and happy mindset, you try to act like being single is empowering and free. And sometimes it is, but sometimes it sucks.

Sometimes you just want nothing more than to be loved instead of always watching others love around you.

It sucks being the one who doesn’t have dates to weddings or someone to spend the holidays with because that’s when it really hits you. It hits you when you see everyone around you being cute and making plans with their partners, but you have no one to shop for, no one to surprise, no one to celebrate with.

And more than anything you feel alone because deep down that’s all you really want.

I put on a front. I act like I don’t need anyone. I act like I’m happy on my own and sometimes I am, sometimes I want nothing more than to be single, but the times I feel alone are harder to deal with than any high I’m riding from being single.

Sometimes you just want someone to kiss you and tell you they love you with a sincere look in their eyes. Sometimes you just want someone to flirt with and know that they actually want you. Sometimes you just want someone to be there to talk to when your day has completely sucked.

Sometimes being single just fucking sucks.

But for now I know there is nothing I can do about it. I can’t wave a magic wind and have a magical boyfriend appear. I don’t have a genie to ask for three wishes. I’ve got drunk guys at bars and Tinder.

And as much as being single can suck, it’s a part of life. It’s a part of living and I know, at least I hope, it won’t be forever. Because as much as being single sucks, I’ve got so much ahead of me and so much to look forward to. I’ve got so much passion to invest in my life and so much more soul searching and growing to do. Being alone sucks, but there’s still dogs and paycheck Fridays and ice cream, so there’s still reason to smile.

Here’s to being single, here’s to overcoming the suck one day at a time.