Can You Really Love Me?

Can you accept me, seeing who I really am, fraught with contradictions, but honest all the same? Can you truly love me, knowing this, the reality of who I really am, without the wish to change me?

It took a long time for me to find me. I finally feel like I know who I really am. Or more that I’ve uncovered me, accepted me, finally started to truly love me after so much struggle to mold, to conform, to follow, and to blend.

At last, I believe in myself. I embrace my shortcomings by acknowledging them, laughing at them, challenging them wisely…I feel mostly comfortable, even proud…of me.

And I know how truly meaningful these feelings are. I worked so hard for them. I really thought I’d never feel them, never know what it was like to feel at peace, even temporarily, with the person I truly am, at this moment. And I know it might not, probably will not, be a permanent state of being, but I’ve finally felt it, and know it to be true.

Can you accept me, knowing who I really am? Because I love me and I’m not willing to force me into any other version. I can’t. I won’t. I’ve already done that. I promise, you would like me even less.

If you can truly love me, knowing this, me, the reality of who I really am, I will accept you, too. Even when you hurt me. I’ll want to help you. Even when I don’t know how. Maybe I’ve tried to change you and I’m sorry…I see you hurting and I see so much potential for healing…I will be here, as your witness. I want to. I love you.

But it took me my whole life to love me, to question my doubts, to find my authenticity, to feel who I am and love me wholeheartedly, even for fleeting moments. People helped me, hurt me, taught me things, but ultimately, it was me with the work to do. I needed to love me. And I needed to let the real me be. I couldn’t love any other version. It would be a flimsy forgery and I’ve always been terrible at lying.

This is me, always wanting to please you because I love you and I want to help you feel happy and at ease. But I can’t be responsible for your feelings, nor you for mine. I have to be me. And I accept you, seeing you for who you really are, fraught with contradictions, but honest all the same.

I really love you, knowing this, the reality of who you really are, without the wish to change you. Can you do the same?