Canadian Woman Live-Tweeted Every Excruciating Moment Of The Bad First Date Going On At The Table Next To Her And It Is Hilarious
By Jacob Geers
Anne Thériault is not only just a phenomenal writer and awesome Thought Catalog contributor, she also apparently has an insanely sharp ear for awful dates gone wrong. Anne was recently forced to overhear an absolutely terrible date happening at a table next to hers, and not able to endure it alone, she live-tweeted the entire hot mess for the world to experience with her. This is how it went.
So it begins,
Watching a couple on what appears to be a terrible first coffee date at the table next to me. Dude is every precious self-involved writer.
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Apparently this guy is also known for being “v. modest”.
"People tell me I look like James Franco."
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
How the girl on this date probably feels right now…
Source: Imgur
"Writing is really hard. People don't know that. It involves a lot of introspection, a lot of wrestling with your own demons."
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Pro-tip: Not that I would know, but I suspect that this isn’t how you get people to fall in love with you.
Girl works for a non-profit. Dude is condescendingly explaining to her why most non-profit models don't work, he looked into making one once
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
“Hi! We are going to go on this date together, but actually everything you say is gonna be about me!”
Girl: I actually love cooking
Dude: Oh god you should try my puttanesca sauce, my friend who's a chef says it's even better than his— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Ummmm. (?!?!)
OH NO NOW HE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW HIS FEAR OF HAVING CHILDREN STEMS FROM HIS DADDY ISSUES AND I CANNOT
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Run girl, run like the wind.
Girl just looked at her phone in feigned surprise. "Oh weird, I have a text from my mom." I just snorted audibly, turned it into fake cough
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
The end is near.
Girl: "yeah, she's, uh, worried she left her stove on. she's in a meeting and can't go home. I'd better go check for her."
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
🆘🆘🆘🆘
Dude: do you want to go and come back?
Girl: It's pretty far. Maybe we can do this again next week? I'll text you.
OUT THE DOOR LIKE A SHOT— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 3, 2015
Thériault’s live-tweet went viral soon after, and she was almost a little #bitter about that being the thing she was known for.
GUYS I HAVE SPENT YEARS WRITING THOUGHTFUL, WELL-RESEARCHED THINGS BUT MY LEGACY WILL CLEARLY BE LIVE-TWEETING A TERRIBLE DATE
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 6, 2015
But not really.
It doesn't seem like a very sustainable business model, though. Like how many bad dates can I reasonably expect to witness?
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 6, 2015
I aspire to someday have a Wikipedia page where the highlight of my professional life is "live-tweeted a guy who looked like James Franco"
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 6, 2015
But not everyone was entertained (apparently),
.@OccupyToronto lol at the #TOpoli hashtag, like I'm running for office on a platform of hilarious tweets
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 7, 2015
.@OccupyToronto you're dismantling the system so hard, one lone tweeter at a time. Way to take on the corporate fat cats!
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 7, 2015
You know, I'm just one small person, but I do what I can to make men hate women. pic.twitter.com/5yQd51mLOH
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 7, 2015
Fave comment from blogTO if only because I have never had an ice tea in my life. I need way more caffeine than that pic.twitter.com/gIem1EFl89
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 7, 2015
*dude sallies into my mentions* "hey what u did was cyber bullying. ur a disgusting bitch and i hope u die"
NO SENSE OF IRONY, THOUGH— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 7, 2015
tl;dr?
Responses to my bad date live-tweet
Men: you're so mean and I bet you made this up anyway
Women: I have been on this exact date— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) July 7, 2015
So real. Too real?
Lesson learned: if you are going to be narcissistic on a first date, make sure that nobody is live-tweeting the experience for everyone to read about.