Close Encounters Of The Ex-Kind


A friend was recently visited by an awful ex-boyfriend.

“Seeing him was like running into a ghost, you know?”

I understood what she meant, and in light of Halloween, it got me thinking.

Encountering an ex-lover is exactly like being visited by a ghost. It’s a flicker of your former life; an unnerving flash of your past. You catch a glimpse of them and you’re frozen stiff. Shivers fire up your backbone as your mind rapidly recovers painful, timeworn memories.

Haunted with nostalgia, the blood falls from your face and you spit out an incomprehensible, “Hey.”

Spooky, and odd. You were once so connected to this ghost, but now there are new, informal conditions. At one time you shared a toothbrush, yet the sentiment has eerily transformed into an atmosphere of unease.

Unfinished business.

This startling apparition of your past relationship leaves you feeling jolted and anxious. Be prepared for it. It’s the paranormal-first-sighting-since-the-demise-of-your-bond with this lover, and it’s terrifying.

How to Cope with a Close Encounter of the Ex-Kind

    1. Clear the ghost. Make it obvious this ex is not welcome. Be uncompromising, but not mean.
    2. Wear your Halloween costume for a few months to avoid any fluke encounters.
    3. Be confident in dealing with your ghost. Like animals, exes feed off fear. Emulate Bill Murray in Ghostbusters.
    4. Perform an ex-orcism. I recommend using a trusted platform like Wikipedia or Ask Jeeves for instruction. They are sure to offer a variety banishing rituals for all types of horrible exes.
    5. Make peace with the ghost. Melancholy is meant for October 31, not for every day. The sooner you forgive the ghost for the gloom, the better you’ll feel.