Confessions Of A Conflicted Homewrecker


This time last year, I gained the infamous label of “homewrecker”. I spent the night with a guy who was dating someone for a little more than a year at the time. You may be disgusted to read that I didn’t have remorse for that night. I wasn’t thinking of Anna*. I was only thinking about how much I really liked this guy. Actually, I had felt guilty that night, but only because I had been out of a relationship for a month at that point and I felt conflicted about being with someone new so soon.

I helped him through his breakup with Anna. He talked about certain facets of their relationship that he didn’t like and how they made him feel insecure and insignificant. It made me want to help him. It made me want to heal him. After being with him through the rest of that spring semester, I started to grow animosity for this girl.

Fast forward to now. I have actually gotten to know Anna better and have enjoyed spending time with her – and I’m no longer with him. What drew me out of the relationship was that I couldn’t handle the insecurity of knowing this: if he was willing to cheat with me, he would be capable of cheating on me.

The experience really damaged Anna and it caused me a lot of anxiety. But something crucial has surfaced from this heap of mental rubble.

He killed two birds with one stone. The “birds” being two relationships. He ruined his long-term relationship and what could have been a longer relationship with infidelity.

In a bizarre change of light, I thank him. And I hope she thanks him, too. Because he proved that we both deserve someone who is willing to be devoted. It doesn’t matter if you were cheated on or cheated with – the person was no longer loyal. You are no better because he chose you. She is no worse because he didn’t choose her.

So, I gained this label. To Anna, I think I will always be the cause of what ruined her relationship with the man she thought she was going to marry.

Anna, you deserve better. And so do I.

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