Confessions Of An International Traveler
- I cut in line to get into the Vatican.
- I jumped metro turnstiles in Paris.
- I snuck into Pompeii without paying.
- I overstayed my visa in Ireland and never got caught.
- I let some South African guy on a rented moped drive me home in Goa, India even though I didn’t really know him or where I was going.
- The first time I got drunk and threw up was the first time I was abroad: I was in Prague, and I was 17. I lied and told the people I was with that I had been drunk before, but I hadn’t and I overdid it. I very clearly remember puking, and thinking to myself, “Well, this is stupid.”
- I’ve been to Amsterdam 13 times and still shamefully have never made it to see Anne Frank’s house.
- I ate McDonald’s in Singapore.
- I left a Greek wedding early. (By early, I mean 2 a.m., but the party didn’t end until 7 a.m.)
- I left Australia without ever seeing a kangaroo.
- I went horseback ridding in Argentina after staying up drinking about 12 bottles of malbec the night before. I hadn’t yet slept, and I was fast and reckless, and almost clothes-lined myself on a Eucalyptus tree. That’s what a DUI on a horse looks like.
- I got kicked out of a hooker bar in Panama because some blond Canadian chick that we met at the hostel tried to get drugs.
- The first time I traveled alone I got homesick in the south of Italy, and actually considered leaving one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been to in my life. I remember calling my mom from a train station in Naples and crying after.
- I used a shady ATM in Brazil and had $300 stolen from my bank account.
- I was too broke/poor to gamble in Monte Carlo or even get into the casino.
- I ran through Karlsplatz fountain in Munich at about 5 a.m., and I was late for my flight so I didn’t have time to shower. I spent the whole of my trans-Atlantic Lufthansa flight picking leaves out of my hair and smelling like dirty fountain water. And I was in one of the middle seats of row of four.
- I booked tickets for a holiday in Edinburgh for January 1, completely unaware of Hogmanay: one of Europe’s biggest New Years Eve parties. It was like booking a trip to Rio in February and not knowing about Carnival.
- I spent a week in Copenhagen for Easter, but flew into Malmö, Sweden because the Easy Jet flight was cheaper. In my early morning haze, I took out money from an ATM in Sweden, and only realized it was the wrong currency when I got to Denmark, and tried to buy a bottle of water that I desperately needed. A stranger — a middle age woman — bought the water for me even though she couldn’t speak a word of English (and I couldn’t speak a word of Danish). I will never forget that.
- I went on a yoga retreat in Morocco to detox, but I spent the whole trip smoking British cigarettes with a guy from Manchester.
- I accidentally smuggled half a joint on an international flight to Pisa. When I got there, a huge German Shepard jumped all over me and I bent down to play with him because I missed my dog. I only realized what I had done a few days later.
- During a layover in the Narita airport in Japan, I spent $70 dollars on a t-shirt for my sister because Lost in Translationjust came out and she was obsessed with it.
- But I was so out of it from the flight that I couldn’t figure out the exchange rate in my head.
- I cut Milan out of backpacking trip because I had recently watch the Sound of Music and I wanted to go to Salzburg to do the tour. I did it with a bunch of big Australian dudes who gave each other side hugs and sang every word with me. It was awesome.
- I once spent a lot of money on a sapphire at a gemstone market in Thailand because some Canadian guy in a tuk tuk told me that it was a good opportunity. I never got it appraised, but I doubt it was worth it.
- During a road trip through the South Island of New Zealand, I stopped passing cars to ask them which way to Mordor.
- I used my work Blackberry to make calls and use the Internet in South America, the Middle East, and throughout India.
- I snowboarded the Canadian Rockies, but because I was still a beginner, I was too scared at the time to go on anything but green trails. I still consider it a wasted opportunity.
- I spent the Fourth of July in Austria eating Wiener schnitzel.
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