Confessions Of An Introvert

That feeling when you get home after you have socialized for a whole day. When you finally can take off those jeans and wear those comfy sweats again. That feeling when you wipe off all that makeup that has to sit on your face for 10 hours and see your natural face appears 10 years younger than your current age again. Ah, that feeling.

Socializing is draining. It sucks the hell out of my energy, seriously.

One of my obstacles in life is still times when I have to meet new people, like when I get a new job or when I get invited to birthday parties where I only know the birthday girl/boy. Okay, I get it, I need to work with these people so I need to ‘’talk’’ to them, but SUP with all that small talk you are spilling on me? Small talk is a great tool to break the ice when meeting new people, but once you get over that, just stop (small) talking. Please? Don’t get me wrong, I love to talk. Once I get in sync with the right kind of people, I won’t even shut up. It’s about genuine interaction and the ability to really listen to each other.

When I appear shy when in reality I’m just really bored and don’t have the energy to pretend I enjoy the company I am in that moment. In fact, these days, I enjoy my own company a lot more than when I’m accompanied by the average human. Of course, dogs always gain my full sincere attention, no questioning about that for sure! That goes along with all my close friends and family, but other than that, you can pretty much say I’m too arrogant to even want to waste my time to develop another meaningless relationship. My time has become my precious gift and I’m no longer spill it around to give it away to random people. Sorry, not sorry.

Some people just get more energized when they surround themselves with people, but for me, it is the opposite. I NEED my alone time to recharge and reflect on my own thoughts. It is essential, like when you NEED to do something with people during the weekend. Just a different angle, no need to look weird at me when I say that I prefer to stay in on a Friday night than to hang out at a club.

As someone who doesn’t have a loud voice and appears innocent and is also an introvert, it is hard sometimes. Especially at work. I always think twice before I state ideas because I don’t want to spill any empty words. But the only thing they see is nothing, because of the fact that nothing comes out my mouth. I have always been too passive according to them, while they need me to take initiative. I observe carefully first before I take action, but the only thing they see is the action that may or may not have been proceeding smoothly. All complaints aside, it is known that society favors the characteristics of an extrovert. Don’t get me wrong, We need that kind of characteristics in all sorts of roles, but let’s not forget that most introverts are often the ones who create and do a lot of work ‘’behind the scenes.’’

I don’t mean it as a disadvantage of my personality when I call myself an introvert. In fact, I’m glad to be one because I don’t need to only rely on external circumstances to be able to entertain myself. I used to do that a lot where I would end up drained and exhausted by the end of the day – not knowing what the cause was. Surrounded by toxic so-called friends where everyone just wants to hear themselves talk does a great part of it, believe me, I know.

So from an introvert to an extrovert, don’t pity us for how we are. Don’t ask us why we are SO quiet in a room full of people we don’t know. It’s kinda rude. And certainly, don’t ask why we are not having fun when we are not drinking when we are in the same bar. I am having fun, but maybe not the kind of fun you are used to with.