Dating Sucks When You’re A Planner (And Not At All Spontaneous)

Dating sucks when you’re a planner because so many dates are set up spontaneously. I would much rather have someone ask me on a date a week in advance to give me time to get prepared physically and emotionally — but most of the time, it’s a last second thing.

I’ll get a text after dinner, asking if I want to grab drinks. I’ll get a text at midnight, asking if I’m still awake and free to meet up. Most of the time, I’m already lounging comfortable in my pajamas, my makeup wiped clean and my hair a mess, when someone asks to hang out with me.

I don’t mind going out late. I just need more notice. Maybe it’s because of my anxiety, maybe it’s because of my fear of change, maybe it’s because of my incessant planning, or maybe it’s because I’m stubborn — but either way, I hate being invited out at the last second. I hate being surprised by spontaneous plans.

There’s a part of me that feels like last minute plans mean less. I probably shouldn’t feel that way since people are busy with their lives and should embrace any second of free time they find — but it’s hard for me to shake the idea that someone is inviting me out at the last minute because I’m an afterthought, a backup plan. I feel like, if someone really wanted to see me, then they would have thought ahead, they would have made concrete plans with me instead of asking if I happened to be free at the last possible moment.

Dating sucks when you’re a planner because most people find planners boring. They want a spontaneous relationship. They want the excitement and uncertainty. They want all of the things that set off my anxiety, the things I cannot possibly bring to the table.

I should probably work on acting more carefree and laidback. I should probably say yes to more things and stop finding more and more excuses to stay home on weekends. But at the same time, it shouldn’t be that hard for someone to text me a few days before when they already know they’re going to be off later in the week. It shouldn’t be too hard to give me a head’s up so I’m not scrambling at the last minute, trying to figure out what to wear and whether I have the energy to socialize.

Dating sucks when you’re a planner because most people aren’t going to understand why you want notice before a date. They aren’t going to understand why you can never leave the house at the last second. They’re going to look at you like you’re high-maintenance and overly controlling when you tell them you prefer planning in advance.

Unfortunately, so many things about love are unexpected and unplanned. You can never tell what tomorrow is going to bring. And that’s scary for someone who likes to plan out every little aspect of their lives. It’s scary for someone like me.