Dear Gay Dude: I’m Back And Gayer Than Ever!
By Thoughtis
Question 4: Should I stay or should I blow?
Dear Gay Dude,
So in the past I’ve been that guy that doesn’t really give guys a chance. I kind of just go out with them on one or two dates, find something I don’t like (usually something that’s not even that big of a deal) and leave them. And I’m really tired of being that guy so I’m doing my best to give chances to everyone and really find a real relationship. And then there’s this guy (there’s always a guy) who just got out of a pretty serious relationship and I like him and want to give him a chance. I didn’t know him when he was in said relationship but I kind of just get the feeling that I’m a rebound for him. He told me that he kind of hates relationships right now (because he’s so jaded from the breakup) which really sucks because all I could ever want from a man right now is a relationship. I’m conflicted because I’m not sure if I should pursue the guy and just wait it out (i.e. wait for him to want to be in a relationship again) or if I should just pull the ejection cord now. I’m not really into getting hurt again OR being jerked around for a few months just for it to end up in someone else’s favor. I guess I’m just torn here. Please help?
Love you, love everything about you, thinking of being you for Halloween,
No Second Chances?
Dear no second chances?,
What’s that cheesy saying people use? “Better to have loved than not’ve loved at all”? Something like that. Anyways, I relate to those words a lot because I think it’s super easy to get caught up in the fear of pursuing someone. You’ll think of a million reasons why you should bow out but at the end of the day, you should just freaking do it. Who cares if you’re a rebound and get your heartbroken? Life is about experiences that are both good and bad. I know I’m sounding silly but it’s true! Stop being scared and just go for this dude. Worry about the variables later. Spend time with him. Try to get him to love you. Prove him wrong about relationships. Just do it!
Wanna have sex?,
Gay Dude
Question # 5. How the hell do I find a boyfriend?
Dear Gay Dude,
How hard is dating in the gay world? I just finished my freshman year, I live in one of the gayest cities in North America, have oodles of gay friends from all circles and I still can’t manage to find anyone remotely datable. While I am single, I do have needs and have managed a few flings I guess, but I have soon let them fizzle out after learning that there just isn’t enough there. I’m not looking for my husband but someone that I find interesting, sexy and smart and actually care about. FML. Is this why gays are notoriously single? Am I destined to be a single old queen forever? Help me Gay Dude!
Sincerely,
Single Pringle
Dear Single Pringle
We’re all screwed. Let’s just date and see what happens. What’s your number? I’m calling it now…
Love,
Gay Dude
Question # 6: My Friend Might Be HIV Positive
Dear Gay Dude,
One of my best friends recently confided in me about a traumatic event that happened about a year ago. He was sexual assaulted by a “straight” guy at a party. What’s worse is that it’s rumored this guy might have HIV. Since it took my friend so long to tell me, I was not surprised when he said he never went to the hospital or the police. Now I’m worried my friend might be HIV positive and he’s too afraid to go to a clinic. I don’t know what else to do besides offer my support. How do I convince him to get tested?
From,
Concerned in Cali
Dear Concerned in Cali,
This is some serious business right here. What your friend went through sounds terrible and I completely understand his apprehension about getting tested. People could read this and be like, “WTF, dummy? Get tested ASAP!” but it’s not as simple as that. I’m nervous getting tested even when I’ve only been with one person and it was totally safe so I can’t imagine what your friend must be going through. Unfortunately, I feel like there’s not much you can do other than be there for him and tell him to get tested as much as possible. REALLY try to get through to him because it’s so important that he does get tested. It’s for his health but it’s also for anyone else who might’ve been assaulted. If the person who assaulted him does have HIV and knew about it, isn’t what he did considered manslaughter?
Good luck honey,
Gay Dude
Question 7: Help! I’m BFF with my ex-BF!
I was dumped by my ex a few years ago because he was not over his ex-boyfriend. Once his ex came back into the picture, there was no room for me. Despite what we went through, I still cared about him. I knew I did not want him completely out of my life. After an adjustment period, we saved the friendship. Yet, even though we’ve been broken up for so long and have had no physical relationship, my feelings for him have remained unchanged. We’ve both seen other people during this time, and while it never made me terribly excited to hear he was dating someone, we respected each other’s feelings and never went into great detail about our other romances. However, he started dating someone new a few months ago. Without going into detail, their relationship has been complicated. He feels like he has no one to talk to about the problems they have. So, what little information he does share, he confides with me. I want to be a good, supportive friend, but hearing the details of their relationship and the depth of emotion my ex feels towards this person leaves me with the same feelings of inadequacy that I had when he broke up with me those many years ago. So, do I deny my ex a friend to talk to when he needs it most, or do I listen to him and try to move on with my own life?
Ex-BF & BFF
Dear Ex-BF & BFF
This is the realest question ever. It touched a nerve with me because I’ve been through this too. The thing about being a gay dude is that we’re ALWAYS BFF with our boyfriends. Straight people can be too of course but there’s something about being the same sex that lends to creating this powerful foundation of friendship. I dated my BFF in high school for a hot minute and when we broke up, it took me like five years to get over it. It’s pathetic, I know, but it’s because I never let us be enemies. After we ended things, I didn’t want to lose the friendship since it had meant so much to me so we resumed the friendship. What ended up happening though is I just ended up staying in love with him. Eventually I had to cut all ties because I knew I could never just be friends with him and that was that. I miss him sometimes because I still have yet to have such a strong friendship with another gay man but I know it’s not healthy. Honestly, do yourself a favor and don’t be the best friend he talks about boys with. Put the friendship on ice so you can get over things. Don’t do what I did, which was remain obsessed with the person I lost my virginity to until I was 22. Not chic.
Love,
Gay Dude