Dear Gross Dude In The Club, Please Stop Touching Me


Listen up. Just because I’m gay and love dick, it doesn’t mean that I love your dick. In fact, chances are I think your dick is gross and want nothing to do with it, so please stop molesting me in the club. If I didn’t react positively the first time you grabbed my ass, I’m not going to be stoked on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th time.

One of the annoying things about being gay is that some guys just assume your DTF all the time. So when you’re In Da Club and a guy comes up to you, it doesn’t matter if he’s a Brad Pitt or a John C. Reilly, he can just grope the hell out of you to see if you’re interested. They have 20% ownership over your body simply because they’re gay too. “Why CAN’T I grab your dick? I mean, you are gay, right?”

Yes, I’m gay but I’m not gay for you, so back the hell up. When I see one of my girlfriends getting groped by a guy when we’re out (which happens a lot since women are disrespected every second of every day), there’s a quick retaliation. In the instances I’ve witnessed, the girl has no qualms being like “Get the hell off me. I’m not having sex with you.” and either getting the dude kicked out for being a creep or keeping a healthy distance from their molester for the rest of the night. But with gay guys, it garners a tepid response. Feeling someone’s body up and down in a gay bar is more socially acceptable and rarely met with any consequences. If some gross guy fondled you, it’s more likely to just be met with an eye roll and a quick retreat than anything else.

In my mind, this has a lot to do with the preconceived notion that all gay men are sluts. It’s sort of in line with that mentality where if a girl is dressed provocatively, she should expect to receive unwanted male attention because, duh! She’s asking for it! When I’m out at the gay bars, that’s sort of how I feel. I’m asking for it just because I’m gay. Just so we’re clear though, I’m not asking for anything besides a fun night out with friends and maybe an inconsequential make out sesh with a non-creeper. Or, you know what, maybe I’m looking for my future life partner. It doesn’t matter though. If I’m not giving you positive vibes, you need to cease and desist.

I think that’s a major source of the problem actually. People are choosing to not respect boundaries and continue to be aggressive instead. Why do they do this though? Do they think I’m going to magically change my mind when you fondle me a 7th time? A light bulb will go off in my head that will be like, “Wait a minute! Disregard the last six times you assaulted me. I think I like you! Sorry for taking so long to realize it. 7 is usually my magic number.” No. That has never happened in the history of time (unless you just got progressively wasted throughout the night and clouded your judgment). Be more perceptive and less creepy please. I’ve never had the courage to just scream at someone, “CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?” because I felt like I didn’t have a right to. But those days, I feel, are changing.

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