Dear Ladies, Losing Your Virginity Isn’t What You Think


I never understood the logic of the term, “losing your virginity.” What is there to be lost? Why is a “V-card” an object that we have and somehow by having sex we lose that precious, irreplaceable possession?

If anything, it’s an experience you gain.

Somehow there is always a negative connotation when someone asks, “You lost your virginity to him?”

Sex is a beautiful thing. There is nothing to be “lost” by having sex with someone for the first time. (Granted that you are having sex because you are ready and not for extraneous things such as peer pressure or insecurity)

I’m not advocating that you should simply have your first time with anyone- but that there shouldn’t be this notion that you are losing a part of yourself to that person, or that he/she suddenly owns a part of you. Using the phrase, “lost my virginity”, to address your first sexual encounter only leads to unneeded sentimental attachment to that partner.

Once we let go of the idea that a “virginity” is a part of us that we give up, the tension and anxiety that surrounds having sex for the first time with someone we care about will lighten. And so, we can enjoy gaining these experiences instead of fretting over “losing” a part of ourselves that doesn’t actually exist.