Dear White Men, Stop Hating On White Women


At a coffee shop the other day I overheard a white guy say, “I HATE white women, this is why I only date Asians [women].” This isn’t the first time. I’ve heard this from a few of my past white guy friends, white family in-laws, and other random white men across various places in America.

I’m writing because I’ve had enough. Yes, this piece is a response to these specific types of men who hate white women. I’ve developed a theory to why they’ve said what they’ve said.

Let’s take this journey together and you can critique me along the way. After all, this theory is coming from a perspective of a male.

White Women

White women are now becoming the majority in the workforce, undergraduate universities, and graduate schools. Hanna Rosin has even reported that, in this post-industrial American society, increasing numbers of managers are now women too. And, one big proponent to the reason why white women are climbing the ranks towards equality is because of affirmative action.

In addition, white women in general are becoming figures in spaces usually dominated by men: women like Hillary Clinton, Rachel Maddow, Nancy Pelosi, Gabrielle Gifford, Marissa Mayer, etc., are a just few examples of white women who are making a strong impact and challenging men in politics, the media, and in business.

Affirmative action has helped the growth of social mobility for white women towards equal pay, job titles, and even, in some cases, where the woman is making more in her income than her male counterpart.

“According to one study, in 1995, 6 million women, the majority of whom were white, had jobs they wouldn’t have otherwise held but for affirmative action.” – Sally Kohn

Another study shows that women made greater gains in employment at companies that do business with the federal government, which are therefore subject to federal affirmative-action requirements, than in other companies — with female employment rising 15.2% at federal contractors but only 2.2% elsewhere. And the women working for federal-contractor companies also held higher positions and were paid better”

It is with the help of affirmative action that white women have been able to make the strides they are making now. This is a great thing and is why affirmative action should continue.

Now more than ever we are witnessing an “unprecedented role reversal” in our society. And it is this “role reversal” that is causing white men to rethink their identity.

Identity Crises

In 1961, the year affirmative action was first used in the United States, only 30% of white women were in the workforce while 75% of white men were. In addition, white men in the workforce had higher wages, obtained higher wages, and in general were more dominant in almost any space in America.

Now, a white man who was once the dominant force in America, is losing his advantage(s) as inequality decreases. A hyper-masculine man who is used to the control he once had on white women is now fleeting.

I remember when, at my first corporate job, one of the big players in the company was a white woman:

This manager once told me that it is easier now to deal with her male counterparts, but even though she is climbing ranks she still faces a few struggles.

I believe these few struggles she experienced in her company was because many of my male colleagues were scared of her: a white woman who was breaking down the stereotype that women are unable to work alongside men.

I say they were scared because I constantly heard their comments like “bitch,” “she’s a c***,”she’s a wh**e,” when she lectured others of their misbehavior. When a male counterpart did the same, my colleagues were less likely to name call because he seemed more respectable…

The respect for a white man compared to a white woman in the workplace was and IS still unfair. BUT it’s dwindling (and this power dynamic goes even further than the workplace). And white men are having trouble coping with this newfound situation.

White men are now losing their hyper-masculine identity. What can we say about the impact that this is having to white men across America? They’re no longer going to be as dominant as they once were. And this identity crisis is where my theory why a white man would say they “hate white women” comes in.

White Men Hating White Women

The impact of the crumbling hyper-masculine identity from a white man’s perspective is disheartening. Therefore, where can he turn to regain this hegemonic masculine identity of power, control, and dominance? First, by hating white women and then specifically transitioning to ethnic groups where women are seen to still be submissive, passive, and obedient to men: Asian women.

I want to take break by saying that this theory is based on specific group of white men who have said that they “hate white women and which is why they would only date Asian women.” In addition, I’m not saying Asian women are submissive, I’m merely saying this is the supposed stereotype.

So please, understand who I am critiquing.

It’s perfect for these white men to transition to Asian women. They can put themselves in a position where their hyper-masculine identity stays intact.

“The sex industry catering to Westerners is constructed around selling not only the flesh, but what Sheridan Prasso calls the “Asian Mystique…the fantasy of the exotic, indulging, decadent, sensual Oriental who will indulge you and delight you with the decadence and servility that no women in your own culture could.” – Shien Lee

To have the mindset that Asian women are the perfect mates because they’re seen as inferior, non-threatening, and demure is racist.

This is a stereotype that is broken time and time again as Asian women have made impacts in spaces that were once dominated by men: Amy Tan, Sandra Oh, Lisa Ling, Michelle Malkin (ugh but oh well), etc., But we still have a long ways to go as there are barriers and struggles Asian women, besides these stereotypes, face everyday.

It’s disgusting to see Asian women being colonized as they become substitutes for white women who are being less and less oppressed by these white men.

Dear White Men Hating on White Women

I understand that you’re scared, you’re a coward, and you need to be coddled when facing white women who are progressing and dominating spaces faster than you can say equality.

So please take your ignorant racist comments and shove them up somewhere else. Because hating white women is hating on all women. Women of all colors are climbing the ranks and are getting closer towards gender-ethnic equality. Once that happens, there is no other place to go but to become extinct.

image – Shutterstock