Do This Don’t: Wear Adult Braces


As a kid, I only had braces on my bottom teeth and even that lasted for only eight months. My teeth were never perfectly straight, but neither are Kate Moss’ or Jamie King’s (that’s what I tell myself). An adult with braces was an idea I never once entertained; in fact, it was an idea that I practically shunned. In my mind, that was reserved for women who take pains to make it known that they don’t care about their appearance; the type of older woman who wears her brunette-and-gray hair in the same butt-gracing braid every day.

Now, however, I’m not so sure. I mean, really: what’s the worst that could happen? Someone mistakes me for a high school student and I get carded? I think I’ll take my chances… At this juncture, the only danger I can foresee in getting adult braces is the likelihood of getting a fat piece of donut or bacon stuck in them. But save for that, this is nothing if not a brilliant move.

Just think of the photo ops. The opportunity to editorialize my mouth. I might even be able to squeeze another year out of my parent’s healthcare without getting noticed. And all while my teeth are being professionally restored.

I’m sure the first couple days with adult braces will be hard, but I’m even more sure that I’ll be smiling like these two girls from Comme des Garçons’ fall/winter 1988 campaign in no time.