Dolph Lundgren Is Biting My Funk…A Love Story


I visited one “guru.” It was at his falling apart rented mansion he claimed he owned.

He had his “lambo” in the garage. Everything we did was videotaped while I was there.

I put it in quotes because that’s what he said. “This is my lambo.”

I couldn’t figure out how he made his money. He was busy doing yoga, haircut, working out, eating, trying on new sneakers, while I was just waiting for him.

“Is everything in life a scam?” I asked my friend.

We walked around the rooms when nobody was following us. Chips of paint were peeling off the walls. Brown water came out of the faucets.

He was doing everything in six minute increments. Like…he’d get a haircut for six minutes, then do yoga for six minutes, then get a massage for six minutes. Then eat for six minutes.

I guess that was his “thing.” Every one of these people have a thing. Maybe I need to start doing things in six minute increments. But I think I’m too lazy.

I don’t want to make fun of this person. He seemed nice enough. Everyone is trying hard to succeed. I don’t blame anyone for wanting good things in their life.

While I was waiting, I spoke with one of his employees. Maybe she didn’t realize she was saying too much.

From what she told me, I figured that he had about $30 million in revenues per year, give or take.

Where do the revenues come from? His business was about teaching people how to set up a business. “We go for millennials,” the woman told me.

So I guess there are a lot of 24 year olds who are figuring out how to start a business. Fine. Everyone has to make a living.

What motivational thing can I say. I lost all of my money multiple times. I’ve lost two marriages. I’ve failed at 17 out of 20 businesses. I’m really bad at returning messages.

I’ve lost and lost.

But maybe I’ve gotten good at bouncing back. I don’t know. I’m very content this moment, which I guess is all that counts.

I try to do three things each day:

1) Be with friends. I love feeling good around other people. To make another person laugh is my orgasm.

2) Improve my creativity: I like to get more competent each day at the things I love doing.

If you improve 1% a day, then that’s 3800% per year (compounding each day). I want to get a little better at what I love each day.

3) Not worry.

I threw out everything I owned. But that is not minimalism. Minimalism is when I can throw out the thoughts in my head.

The thoughts in my head are usually anxious, paranoid, panicked, etc. But when I have fewer thoughts it’s like watching a permanent sunset.

So with each thought, I try to practice this:

Label the thought “useful”, or “not useful.” When I am good at doing this I find I bounce back from loss incredibly quickly.

When things are really bad, all I have to do is remind myself to label each thought.

That gives me more time (more than six minutes) to get good at the things I love. And to spend relaxed time with the people I love.

THERE! I don’t have to see anything. Just do those three things and you can do anything you want after that.

At the end of the interview with the guru, he asked me if I wanted to stick around.

He said, “Dolph Lundgren is coming over in ten minutes. I’m sure he’d love to meet you.”

I think the guru just wanted to have friends around.

I left, though. I only have so much energy per day.

But later that night I listened to “Eye of the Tiger.” It brought back pleasant memories. Useful.