Don’t Be Reasonable When It Comes To Love


In one of his poems Romanian poet Lucian Blaga said “I do not have my heart in my head/Nor do I have brains in my heart”. Following from this idea, two types of thinking can be distinguished, the sacred and the profane, let’s call them the cold reasoning (or simply, reasoning) “the brains” and the emotional reasoning, “the heart”.

I am a perfectly reasonable man and that’s why I understand and I accept that I cannot and must not be reasonable when it comes to love.
When in love one should not limit himself or herself to the same limits existing before being in love. The intensity of love should not be limited by the fear of leaving one’s comfort zone.

But love is not alone in the list of the exceptions. There are many other feelings and emotions that should be made to stand to the harsh test of cold reasoning, because reason and such feelings come from two different worlds and are governed by two inherently different systems of organic laws. You do not expect a bird to obey the natural laws that are meant for a flower, do you? So why would you make love or creativity stand the laws of reason that you use when you build an argument or solve an equation? There must be no place for cold reasoning in love, nor in others profoundly positive human emotions, to the extend in which to limit them. There is no place for logic and mathematics in being in love and acting that way.

Ideas too should be let to run as free as possible as long as they are inherently good and positive and encourage progress and evolution. For example, we should let ourselves believe that we will eventually be able to defeat death in one-way or another. Of course, reason says: “that is impossible”. We know that already, that’s exactly what we are trying to change. There is no point in repeating it, especially in a defeatist way. Hence, if somebody comes to you and tells you “I want to live forever”, the correct answer is not “But it’s impossible, get real”. He or she is probably already aware of the current value of truth of that statement. It’s much better to ask “How?” instead. Show enthusiasm to what defies cold reasoning for good purposes, there is enough skepticism already.

In the case of romantic love, as in between two persons, there are even less reasons to allow cold reasoning to slow you down or control and limit the way you feel.

Let’s consider the following scenario; It’s 4am and you need to be at your job at 8am. You want to stay with her for 30 more minutes because you feel alive with her and it rarely happened in your life to feel so awake and energetic at 4am. Cold, pragmatic reason tells you to go home and sleep before you go to work. Because reasons takes into accounts only the raw facts. Reason tells you that there are other days to see her, other days to kiss her. Why risk your job? Two or three hours of sleep would not be great, but at least it would be something to give you enough energy to get through the day of work.

But when you take the facts in their full consistency, as they really are, with all their colors, traits and values, together with your feelings and emotions, the answer is more likely completely the opposite.

You understand that there will not be any other half an hour like the one to come, no other moments between you and her quite like that, no night exactly like the one you are living.

Reason talks first and sets out the cold and rigid arguments. But then comes the emotional reasoning, more subtitle, more versatile and in the end, perhaps even more effective than the cold reasoning.

It is the emotional reasoning, “the heart” that gives the facts more than the shape and weight given my the cold reasoning. Essence, value and something that could only be described as light are added by “the heart”.

It’s 4am and you need to woke up at 7 to go to your job. But there will never be another half an hour like the one to come, and no night when the passions will burn like that. The way she looks at you and the hunger in her eyes will be different tomorrow. The sound of her laughter will change too come the morning and as many times you and her will be together at 4am, will not be like that. What would you do?

I believe that love enhances your emotional reasoning so as to be better equipped to understand the value of some of the moments that you are living. Taking only the raw, cold, data all kisses are the same. Same procedure, little variation, barley any difference from one to the other. But they really aren’t are they? Here is the magic of emotional reasoning, that transforms “two sets of lips touching and parting rhythmically”(cold reasoning) to “the moment we kissed I felt fireworks in my mind, all of different colors and I could feel them burning in my whole body” (emotional reasoning). Love is made to be beautiful, eccentric even, don’t make it boring. Not for any reason.

I advocate breaking the laws of reason in the name of love.

And let’s just be clear, because as I said I am a perfectly reasonable man, if the breach is done in the name of love, there cannot be negative or for negative reasons. I encourage the defiance of the law of gravity in the name of love and maybe, some centuries in the future, if those who’ll come after us will believe enough, maybe humans will be able to fly on their own, in the name of love.

Please understand “love” in the given context not only as romantic love although this is the primary example given and the best scenario to see the differences between logical reasoning and emotional reasoning. I used love here to also refer to your passions, to what makes you tick and your heart vibrate.