Dramatic Texts I Sent My Friends After ‘Game of Thrones’ Red Wedding Scene




10:05PM: Oh my God I don’t know how to process this

10:05PM: I can’t deal with the actual facts

10:06PM: I am done with Game of Thrones. Who is left? Am I gonna sit back and watch Sam bumble through the forest? Watch Bran roll his eyes back into his head. Screw it I am done everything I once loved is gone.

10:07PM: I don’t know how to feel.

10:08PM: I think I’m going through the stages of grief at an alarming rate

10:08PM: Nope. I still don’t know how to feel.

10:09PM: It was unequivocally the most dramatic moment of my life.

10:10PM: I am sitting here and don’t know what to do. My hopes and dreams are dashed.

10:12PM: Ugh I can’t even deal with this screw everything Arya for queen

10:20PM: I’m going to go out, buy George R.R. Martin’s books, buy some Game of Thrones DVDs. I’m going to start a fire, and burn them until they are mere ashes. I am going to take those ashes, distribute them into some nice cups, and then give them a burial at sea along with any inkling of trust I once had left for this world.

10:45PM: Why can’t we kill of Joffrey why can’t we kill off his mother why can’t George R.R. Martin have a soul I don’t know

10:50PM: I still haven’t moved. They turned on ESPN and probably think I have suffered a psychological break. Maybe I have.

11:00PM: Why am I this emotionally invested in fictional characters that have no actual bearing on my actual life?

11:01PM: Ugh how am I to carry on with work tomorrow?

11:02PM: This tv show needs a support group and an emergency hotline

11:03PM: They lured me into a false sense of security I am an idiot I’m pretty sure this is how murderers are made

11:04PM: George R.R. Martin is personally responsible for the next generation of relationships burdened by trust-issues you mark my words, “I’m sorry, honey, I can’t go to the wedding reception with you, you see the thing is I used to watch Game of Thrones and am now living with a deep seeded fear that THEY’RE GOING TO LOCK THE DOORS, PLAY OMINOUS MUSIC AND KILL THE BEJESUS OUT OF ME.”

11:20PM: I am never going out in public again people are not to be trusted.

11:25PM: Alas, I must rest mine eyes for work tomorrow… The children know nothing of this tragedy and I must educate their young minds never to trust in order to spare them the pain…

12:20AM: Seriously, though, this show needs a hotline. Goodnight. I would say “sweet dreams” but what dreams are there left to be had?

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