E-mails From America

Half a decade into my inadvertent foray into reverse voyeurism, this is what I know. In America, we hope and dream and strive. We type colorfully, if not carefully, and in a variety of fonts — frequently oversized ones. We protect ourselves from violent crime. We ____ this weather! We keep you in our prayers and hope you can make it to our party.

Specifically:

• We hope this Insight of the Day from Earl Nightingale 1921-1989, Author and Radio Announcer, finds you having a Happy Tuesday: “Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.”
• We are checking out real estate in St. Augustine Florida.
• We are registering for non-degree classes at community colleges in Baltimore.
• We met on that hiking trip! We hope it isn’t weird that we decided to e-mail. We thought we had such a great conversation about Nero. Wonder how you are?
• We wanted to share this message — subject: “Howdy,” written in rainbow colors, center-justified as if it is poetry — because of recent abductions in daylight hours. We know that serial killers have recorded babies’ cries and will play them on your porch at night to get you to come out and investigate. We know that stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot. (This is especially true at NIGHT!) We know that “If someone is in the car with a gun to your head DO NOT DRIVE OFF, Repeat: DO NOT DRIVE OFF! Instead gun the engine and speed into anything, wrecking the car. Your Air Bag will save you. If the person is in the back seat they will get the worst of it . As soon as the car crashes bail out and run…” We know that “IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)”
• We’d appreciate your thoughts on this promotional copy for “a Medical/Office campus strategically located in the northwest quadrant of the intersection of Preston Rd and Plano Pkwy. The intersection is conveniently located close to local retail shopping, and the George Bush Tollway, situated in the heart of one of the most prosperous cities in America.”
• We are working on our Christmas cards and need your address.
• We are discussing with Chad the “flavor choices” for our catered event at the Cape Fear National Golf Club coming up in April.
• We “dont have nethin in my email from you.”
• We are eloping in Balboa Park!
• We’re applying for the graphic design job at a Milwaukee “supplier of power transmission components, drives and conveying equipment for process industries including bearings, chains, couplings, drives, motor brakes.”
• And also this one at “an innovative market leader in the manufacturing of disposable wipers, disposable shop towels, and spill control products…. dedicated to the task of making world-class disposables.”
• We were disappointed not to hear back but assume you’ve been busy. We’re planning another trek, to Nepal and Bhutan. Will be sure to take lots of pictures! How have you been?
• We are sticking with our New Year’s resolution to stop drinking this year by using a self-help hypnotherapy CD and fruit and vegetable supplement “chewies” we can eat all day.
• We are sharing the photos of our secret wedding in Balboa Park with you!
• We celebrate our mom on her birthday! “She makes the best sandwiches with love. And then on some days she will simply just tell you what is in the fridge if you want it.”
• We have to miss cheer practice on Wednesday because of a funeral. “:(“
• WE’RE HAVING A BABY!
• We “can”t think of the words to say, ran across someone like u by the liquor store.”
• We need to ask that when you are at the dance studio “counting the $ at open and close please count it 3 times to check yourself.”
• We need your help to SAVE PARTY COVE!!!
• We can’t decide which event we are most excited for at the Annual Bambi Walk: Jello Shots & Jaeger Shots on the golf course; Beer Bongs and Bambi Burgers at the Halfway House; Bloody Marys, Tuaca & Cigarettes at the 17th tee; The Beer Pong/Flip Cup cougar challenge 2010; or Bacardi torched shots on the ice luge. We will be drinking responsibly. “White Castles served at 11:00.”
• We haven’t yet been able to secure a teaching position, and we feel like maybe you mentioned something about something in management at CCC and what does that entail exactly?? We would prob. live with Clint until either a teaching job opened up or maybe your management position came to fruition and we were qualified for that.
• We wanted to share these pictures of our adorable Asian toddler in his car seat wearing a winter hat that looks like a monkey.
• And this one of a large gray horse standing behind a smaller brown horse. In a stable.
• And this one of Main Street all decked out for Christmas!
• And this one of a neon sign shaped like a guitar under a palm tree.
• Aunt Mary Lib wishes us luck or to Break a Leg! Which ever makes it better for us. She has every confidence that we will do well and be able to start our life in Philly. Will say a prayer for us.
• We “havent been able to get your calls…whats happenin”
• We believe that if there is one flaw in women, it’s that they forget their worth. Also here is an inspirational picture.
• The Nutcracker will be taking pictures for the newspaper on Saturday. We should come with our hair in a bun, make-up (not stage make-up), and clean pink tights.
• The weather is nasty. Here is a picture of the baby!
• Here is a senior yearbook photo of a young blonde woman!
• “Here are the considerations for aging adults that are mentioned in the lectures/book, by system. Hope it helps!”
• “Well just to let ya know I don’t beleive in shrinks, I don’t buy any of the bullshit they preach! It’s all about money to them and they don’t know shit!”
• Our self-storage unit is giving away $100 in a drawing — let’s enter!
• Amy’s wedding was a blast. Those Dirty Gooses (Geese?) were trouble though!
• WE ARE TYPIN ON OUR IPAD!

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