ER Doctor Lauded As Psychic After Guessing How All Of His Patients Got Something Stuck Up Their Butts


New York, NY – Elbowing his way past the orderlies and nurses attempting to subdue a patient, ER Doctor Natan Doron explains that he has become quite the celebrity psychic at Mount Sinai Hospital. “Every day, I get men and women who come to the emergency room who tell me they can’t sit down,” Dr. Doron said. “And when they tell me that, I just ask them if they sat on something, and they just silently nod yes, like they can’t believe I just correctly guessed that.” Incredibly, Dr. Doron has been wrong just once in his time at Mount Sinai. “It was really bad gas and constipation — I mean, really bad. She said she couldn’t go use the bathroom for about a week. Usually, though, when I ask them if they sat on something, and they say yes. I don’t know how or why, but I get 99.9% of these prognoses right. It must be God’s will.” The intercom called for Dr. Doron to come to the emergency room. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take care of this emergency.” Sources report that this too, was God’s will.